suicide

"I wanna know what happens once you kill yourself. Because I'm ready to go."

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead. And she screams, and runs over to you, and keeps trying to get you to wake up, but you won't. She keeps screaming and shaking you,  and her tears are dripping onto your face.

Your dad hears all the screaming and runs into your room. He can't even speak because the child that he loved, and the child that he watched grow up, is gone forever.

And finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about, and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to her friends. The person she wanted to be just like when she grew up. The person that made her feel safe.

But she's never really going to get to grow up, smile, laugh, and love because she'll always be consumed with the feeling of missing you.

And now, there's something missing from your family. And they can barely look at each other because everything reminds them of you. But you're gone, and it hurts more than anything.

And you think your mom never cared because she was always busy. And yelling at you to finish your homework, and clean your room. And forgot to say, "I love you," sometimes, but really, she loved you more than anything.

And now, she doesn't leave the house anymore. She can't even get out of bed. And she's getting thinner and thinner because it's too hard to eat.

Your father had to quit his job, and he doesn't sleep anymore. Anytime he closes his eyes, he sees his baby dead. And the image never goes away, no matter how much alcohol he drinks.

And at school, your best friend sees that your seat is empty, and gets a sick feeling in her stomach. That's when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly, she's screaming and crying in the middle of class. And no one even bothers comforting because they're all busy sitting there, stating at your empty seat. Tears dripping down their cheeks.

And all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it's going to be okay, like you always did. But this time, you're not there to do it.

Everything is dark now that you're gone. And her grades start slipping, and she barely goes to school anymore. She ended up in the hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again.

The girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed, feel their throats get tight. They don't talk to each other anymore, they don't talk to anyone. They're all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves, but nothing works.

And your teacher who always gave you a hard time, stares blankly at the wall. She quits her job a few days later.

And then your boyfriend hears the news. And he can't breathe. He still calls you a lot, just to hear your voice. And he still messages you on Facebook, but you never message him back.

He can't fall in love again, because every girl he meets, reminds him of you. He's never going to get over you. He loved you. And he cries himself to sleep every night. Slicing into his skin because he couldn't save you, and he's never going to hold you in his arms, and hear you laugh again.

Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life, or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry around this aching feeling around inside them because you're gone. And they miss you.

And they don't know why you left, but it must have been their fault. And they should've stopped you. And they should've told you they loved you more, and that feeling is never going to go away.

And so you killed yourself.

But you killed everyone else around you, too.

(You can thank whoever for writing this. It was not me.)