Now as I walk around as a teenager I witness others my age complaining. They complain constantly. Matter of fact, half of the words they say are about not wanting to be alive, how difficult life is. We all know you don't have a choice to be brought into the world, you don't. The choice you do have is continuing your life. "Suicide. Suicide. Suicide". An action. A thought. A word that has different meaning to everyone. Living life is like a road that you are constantly driving on in different gears. Committing suicide as a way out of your problems is similar to intentionally swerving your car off of a bumpy road to avoid nails in the asphalt. Swerving and crashing your vehicle leaving it damaged. Instead of stopping it completely and turning off your ignition like you could have. You decide to wreck your car tires. Intentionally wrecking your body. Intentionally wrecking your mind. Intentionally wrecking yourself. Instead of just swerving and shutting everything off. Breathing. Thinking. Stopping. Walking out of the car and picking up the nail that is in your way stopping you from continuing on your journey.
Chores are when your guardian asks you to clean the dirty dishes, pick up your room, do the laundry that has been sitting in the basket for a week. Breathing should not be a chore. You should not have to internally feel your ribs crack in order to appreciate breathing without pain. Death shouldn't have to grab your hand for you to know that you don't want to be guided there. You shouldn't have to ransack your garden because of a few weeds to see the flowers growing beneath it. You shouldn't have to slice vertically against your skin in attempt for you to feel like you are worth more than the pain you inflict on yourself. You shouldn't have to scratch and pick at your body for you to feel. You shouldn't have to punch the wall leaving abrasions on your poor knuckles for you to cope with your anger. You shouldn't have to curse out those who love you for you to express vehement. You shouldn't have to do any of those things, but, most of us do.
There are certain builds of people in life who I look at as little soldiers. Wars they are fighting is only against themselves. There is no winning or loosing team. No ties. No prize at the end of the battle. Just bluntly a war within themselves. I happen to be one of those people. I am a fighter fighting my own fights only I know all about.
Our struggles are not written on our foreheads for passing bodies to see. "I AM INSECURE PLEASE DONT POINT OUT DETAILS ABOUT MY APPEARANCE" is not written on my face. "I HAVE ANXIETY PLEASE DONT ASK ME TO WALK UP AND SPEAK IN FRONT OF THE CLASS" is not written on my throat. "I STARTED SELF HARMING MYSELF WHEN I WAS 11 YEARS OLD" is not written down my boney left wrist. "I THINK ABOUT THE WORST CASE SCENARIO ALL THE TIME" is not written on my head. "I HAVE DEPRESSION PLEASE DONT ASK ME HOW I FEEL TODAY. I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME" is not written on my bones. "I HAVE A HARD TIME LOVING MYSELF" is not my written on my heart. There is more to a person than the eye can see. The third eye can't even see what someone has troubles with. Struggles are given to certain people for certain reasons
THINGS TO PLEASE REMEMBER TODAY:
1.) You are not handed a problem in your life without also getting handed the solution.
2.) Don't look back on things you have done wrong. Situations you've handled wrong. People you've done wrong too. Recognize your mistakes. Recognize what you can do differently from feeling the hurt you feel.
3.) Clear the fog from your glass lens and keep your chin up towards the sky. Nobody can knock you down if your feet are planted into the ground. If you're constantly leaning on someone for moral support, you will fall. Your balance will become unbalanced. " Your strength" wouldn't be yours.
4.) Count on yourself for your own happiness.
If everyone vanishes from the earth and all you have is yourself, how would you deal? Would you be miserable? Or, would you enjoy that every soul is gone and all you have is yourself? All you need is yourself. So don't sit on your butt complaining about not having anyone. Do not let the words "nobody cares" slip out of your mouth. If I hear one more teenager saying "nobody loves me" I don't know how I will react. If I will feel the urge to slap them to open their eyes that all they need is themselves. Or if I will have the urge to hug them and tell them they are the most important person in their life and need to love themselves. How many times do we have to stumble and fall down to realize we are the ones brushing ourselves off? Ever since we were little we were the ones picking ourselves up when we fell. Scraped knees and elbows, yes, our mom bandaged us up. But, our body healed itself. I didn't ask my neighbor to heal my booboo. I didn't ask my best friend to make my scab appear faster. I didn't cry for days, I got up and continued to play. I let my body do its function of healing and closing the wound on its own. If we counted on our body when we were younger to close our scratches, why don't we count on ourself now that we are older to close our broken minds? Why don't we count on ourselves to heal our broken heart? Why don't we count on ourselves to make us happy? Everything you love is going to leave you one day. You will never leave yourself. Love yourself.
