The Noble Life

Nine

Catherine bolted upright instantly, ripping apart the hangings surrounding her bed with her heart in her mouth. Peering into the surrounding gloom, she realised it must still be the middle of the night – and suddenly everything came rushing back. Dr Lovell would have visited by now and delivered his final verdict, the thought of which made Catherine feel as if she might faint. Why had nobody thought to wake her? Surely her parents and Sir William knew that she would wish to be informed of the news!

Unless it was bad news – in that case, Catherine's parents would almost certainly want to conceal the information from her. And in that moment, Catherine felt as if her world had ceased to turn entirely, as she realised that it must be so. Mr and Mrs Taylor were no doubt inconsolable with grief at this very moment, but at the same time determined to spare Catherine the anguish for now. The person frantically knocking at Catherine's door now must then be Sir William – he would have the sense to realise that Catherine needed to be made aware of Bessie's situation; regardless of how much she would suffer for it.

With shaking hands Catherine attempted to fasten her dressing gown, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back the tears on the verge of leaking out. She wanted nothing more than to remain in bed and howl with misery, but if she did not allow Sir William to enter soon he might well break down the door in his frantic efforts to get her attention.

"Come in," she attempted to say, but her windpipe seemed to have constricted such that she could barely manage more than a whisper.

She must have been audible enough, for not a moment later the door was flung open and a nightgown-clad figure came rushing in – except it was not Sir William at all, but in fact Catherine's mother who came hurtling towards her.

Catherine was unable to see Mrs Taylor's expression, as her face was completely obscured by her handkerchief – but as she came closer, it became apparent that the garment was soaked with tears. Mrs Taylor uttered a small sob without looking up at her daughter, and the pitiful sight caused Catherine's stomach to lurch with grief. If it had been Sir William stood in front of her now, Catherine might just have been able to accept the news without falling apart – but the sight of her mother's utter misery caused something powerful to stir deep inside her.

For so long Catherine had been the one to remain strong; through each of Bessie's ailments she had been the one to comfort Mrs Taylor, rather than the other way round. For so long it had been Catherine forced into the position of responsibility; forced to hold herself together as her mother fell apart. But now, faced with the unthinkable prospect of a life without Bessie, Catherine suddenly found herself overwhelmed by all the suppressed emotions of the past thirteen years. They came bubbling up inside her like a gushing spring, until Catherine simply could not hold them back any longer – and for the first time in a very long while, Catherine collapsed into her mother's arms and broke down.

Mrs Taylor staggered a little under the unanticipated weight, but recovered quickly, gently patting Catherine on the back. By now, though, Catherine was sobbing freely – gasping, choking sobs which echoed loudly around the bedchamber – and was completely inconsolable.

"What am I to do without her, Mama?" she wailed, wishing the iron fist slowly crushing her chest would release its hold. "She is the most important person in my life – how am I to survive without her?"

"Without her – Catherine, whatever do you mean?" spluttered Mrs Taylor, removing Catherine from her bosom and holding her at arm's length, so that she might peer searchingly into her daughter's blotchy, tearstained face.

Catherine forced herself to meet her mother's gaze, expecting to see an anguished expression mirroring her own. Mrs Taylor, however seemed simply to look concerned for Catherine's wellbeing, and Catherine felt her breath catch in her throat in disbelief; this was not the expression of a woman who had just been told she was to lose one of her children.