Philophobia

Chapter one

⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠

"Ashton! Ya bloody fuck up get out here!" My mothers drunken words pulled me from my bed.

"Yes mum" I called as I made my way down the stairs. My mum was sprawled out on the couch surrounded by empty beer bottles.

"Run to the market and bring me back some liquor and a pack of smokes" she threw a wad of cash at me then continued to drown herself in beer.

"Yes ma'am" I pulled my boots onto my feet and grabbed my coat. As soon as I stepped into the cold autumn air my arms instantly began to sting. I pulled my coat on in hopes to minimize the pain. I knew I did this to myself but in a way I kind of enjoy the pain. Its the only way I can gain control in my eyes. I am Philophobic which basically means I'm scared of emotional attachment and or love. The thought of falling in love terrifies me to no end because I know if I do it will end very very badly.

I made my way into the convenience store and waved to My friend Michael who was manning the cash register.

"Hey Mikey. Can I get 2 packs of smokes and a case of beer?" I asked pulling out some cash from my back pocket.

"Wild night planned?" Michael asked as he rung up my items.

"Nah just feeding into my mums addiction" I joked.

"Well alright. Have a good one buddy" Michael handed me my items along with a pack of skittles. Its kinda a tradition of ours every time I come in he sneaks me a pack of skittles or as he calls them "happy pills". Michaels the only person I really ever talk to mainly because I've known him since we were children. Before my mom found alcohol our parents where pretty close.

"Thanks mate" I tucked my cigarettes into my inner coat pocket along with my mums then grabbed the beer turning on my heel then crashing straight into someone. The stranger grabbed me before I could fall holding me in a dipping position.

"You okay?" I opened my eyes which were squeezed tight to a very attractive man looking down at me. He had a blonde quiff that was styled to perfection along with stunning blue eyes and holy shit his lip ring.

No. No I do not like him.

I can't.

Oh my god.

"U-uh yeah I'm f-fine" I stuttered helplessly.

"C-can you let me go" I asked noticing his arms were still around me.

"Oh yeah sorry about that mate" when he spoke chills went down my spine.

" I gotta go" And with that I ran. I bobbed and weaved threw all the people till I got home slamming the door behind me.

"Oi! Don't slam the door you piece of shit!" My mum spat at me as I put her stuff on the coffee table.

"Sorry mum" I mumbled before heading to my room locking the door. I pulled a cigarette from my pack and fished through my drawer searching for my lighter when I felt the cool touch of my blade against my fingertips. I closed my hand around it bringing it to my lap setting it down as I continued searching for my lighter. Once I found it I lit my cigarette and inhaled deeply letting the smoke fill my lungs as I rolled my sleeves up revealing partially healed cuts. I lifted the blade and dragged it across my skin remembering every little detail about the handsome stranger. I ran the blade over healing cuts opening them not caring. This was the only way I could control my emotions.

This made me feel normal.

-

"Ashton. Ashton get up!" I woke up to Michael standing over me.

"Go away" I mumbled as I blindly swatted at the air.

"Ash..." Michaels tone was wary. I shoved myself up to meet his stare.

"I'm up." I mumbled before throwing the covers off me and grabbing fresh clothes and a towel as Michael left my room. I made my way into the shower letting the hot water hit my face wincing at the sting of it reaching my cuts. If I were to be completely honest the pain didn't bother me so much it reminded me that I feel. I continued my shower until the water ran cold causing me to let out a sigh and step out of the shower after turning the water off. I cleaned the fog off the mirror cringing at my reflection. I had dark circles under my eyes and my cheeks looked sunken in from not taking care of myself.

"Ashton hurry up! We're gonna be late for uni!" Michael yelled at me from outside the door. I threw on my clothes then brushed my hair and teeth not really caring to style my hair since it has a mind of its own. I walked out of the bathroom to Michael pacing around my living room holding both of our bags and his car keys.

"Finally. We gotta go come on" Michael grumbled as he threw my bag at me.

"I'm going calm down. So what if were late? It isn't like high school where you get a detention chill out" I lectured as we headed towards uni.

Once there Michael basically sprinted towards his class while I told my time walking towards the art department not really caring if I was late because all I do during the day is draw basic fruits or poses of people since Professor Callihan thinks his students are incapable of having creativity. As I walked into my class I was both shocked and confused to see the guy from the convenience store yesterday sitting in my chair. I hesitantly walked over to him crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow before opening my mouth to speak.

"That's my chair." I let my eye lids fall into an unamused look. The boy just returned the look before speaking.

"I don't see your name on it pretty boy" he smirked as I tensed at the nickname.

"Can you just move. I sit there its my seat and don't call me pretty boy. I am not pretty nor am I a boy. I'm a man who would like his chair back please." I rolled my eyes as the blonde boy sighed before gathering his stuff and moving to the chair next to mine. I slid into my seat taking out my sketch book and stared at the board waiting for Professor Callihan who was obviously running late.

"You're the guy I saved at the convenience store yesterday aren't you?" the boy stated as I tensed.

"You didn't really save me but yeah that was me." I said turning my head meeting the blondes stare.

"Yeah okay. Well I'm Luke by the way and you are?"

"Annoyed." was all I said before turning back to look at the board as Professor Callihan rushed it fixing his hair and setting his bag down. I felt relieved when Luke focused on Professor instead of me.

"Sorry I'm late class my car apparently hates me but anyways I figured that today you all could partner up and draw one another as a quarter year project. So the person next to you will be your partner you guys are old enough to figure out how to go about this project. You can draw,paint or sculpt your partner I'm giving you complete artistic control. The project will be due in about a month so hop to it!"

Fucking hell.