for a second i felt at ease until my moms starts knocking as hard as they could.
They never leave my side, I love my moms but sometimes i just need my space too, sometimes I just want to be all by myself. I fell asleep after reading Callie's journal, it was so weird because everyone else says that we've shares memories together and so does her journal but i just can't seem to put it all together, like something else is missing, like there's a big clue that i'm missing out and it's honestly driving me insane.
after minutes of constantly knocking my parents finally gave up and decided to let me be and honestly that's what I really need right now. My mind is on a constant run to something i'm not sure of and there's nothing i want more than knowing the truth, for someone to fill the hole that's been left unsaid. If she really did care about me, if she sincerely cared about me, if she really had this undying love for me, if i was really her one and only best friend then why the fuck would she ever fucking do this to me? I don't even remember ever having a conversation with her, I don't even even how her voice sounds like, I don't even know what made her smile at her worst days.
I've read 1/4 of her journal and i felt her pain in every word she wrote, the same doodle patterns she would constantly draw in every pages, i can picture her being in a dark room just wanting to scream and be heard but there's no one else but those four walls that would make her more insane every single time.
this is so fucked up for me to say, but i wish i didn't save her when she almost got hit by a car, just so I could be there for her through it all. This is crazy, I'm going crazy.
