How To Get Expelled

Step 1: Plan Your Revenge

Liz slouched in her chair in the empty hallway outside the head teacher's office, humming the song that had been stuck in her head all day. She had a right to call it her chair, she figured, because she had occupied it more than any other student in the past two years. She had grown fond of it, despite the fact that it looked more hideous than her Nan's curtains, with its purple flower seat cover and its rusty steel backrest.

Tapping the rhythm of her song with her foot, she picked at the seat's plush filling through the hole she had made on her first visit. She tried to blow a bubble with her chewing gum, but it popped right away.

The door groaned open.

"Miss Greening, put that away, right now."

Liz glanced up with her most innocent, questioning look.

The headmaster, Mr. Strange stood in the doorway and pointed at the small rubbish bin next to her seat. "Gum is not allowed inside the school, as I am very sure you know."

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir." She smiled. "It must've slipped my mind."

Mr. Strange frowned and turned away. He was dressed, as usual, in an impeccable grey suit and black tie, his hair combed neatly over his balding spot-as normal and boring as was humanly possible, as if he wanted to distance himself from his own name. He seemed determined to prove that he was the least strange person in existence, and so far he was doing a marvellous job.

A younger man had followed the headmaster out of his office. They shook hands and Mr. Strange patted him on the shoulder. "Good luck, Mr. Brogan."

"Thank you, sir."

He was handsome, she noted as she plucked her gum from her mouth, with a long stubble and a tweed flat cap. A bit old-fashioned with the waistcoat, but it suited him, made him stand out. She would have to sketch him later.

He gave her a polite nod as she rolled her gum between her fingers.

Mr. Strange cleared his throat. "Miss Greening, if you please?"

Liz put on her sweet smile again and followed the headmaster into his office. The room was as plain and boring as the headmaster himself.

"I'm sure you know why you're here."

She plopped down in the seat in front of his desk and shook her head. "No, sir, I'm afraid I don't."

"It's about Mr. Pilkington. He mentioned you as a reason for his resignation last week. He was quite insistent that you and your friends had something to do with some of his recent... misfortunes."

"But, sir, I had detention during that incident."

Mr. Strange shook his head and sat down, pulling a fat file from his drawer. Her file. It was nearly as thick as the third Harry Potter book. He opened it at the end. "I'm aware of that, but when a member of staff quits and blames a student, that needs to be discussed. I know Mr. Pilkington said he never witnessed your involvement in his incidents, but I can't say I'm entirely surprised that he was convinced you were behind them."

Liz met his gaze with a straight back. "For once, sir, it wasn't me."

It was true. It hadn't been her. She hadn't even come close to Mr. Pilkington that day he had fled the classroom, screaming. Her friend Molly had done the honours.

"Look, Elizabeth, it's not just Mr. Pilkington. We're trying very hard to help you, to guide you, but if you don't work with us, we can't do anything for you. You've had a lot of chances, more than most, and you're a bright girl, but this can't go on forever. You need to get your act together, or there might not be a next time."