Adam is Gay?

Part 12: Adam

I'm feeling uneasy. I was about to drink water but the glass slipped off my hand and shattered on the floor. I was so careless. Maybe because my mind has been floating- I haven't had enough sleep and I feel like there's a big storm coming. I need some rest.

I guess all my interviews were done. I guested in 3 morning shows, 7 newspaper and magazine interviews, picture taking with the press and an online chat with random people. All those time, there's just one thing in my head- Monica.

I need to tell her the truth. That all these are lies. That I am not gay. That I had been an ass.

I called Josie to fetch me and probably send me home but we stopped in a cafeteria, we're both starving. A group of people swarmed around me to get pictures and have autographs, so this is my new life now. It didn't lasted long since they left after they had what they wanted.

We sat in a table for two and ordered some bread and soup which were actually given for free. So it's true that famous people get free stuffs.

"How can you be gay and famous?" Josie started, "Look at me, I'm just gay and it stops there."

I giggled, "You know I'm not gay."

"I used to believe that." Josie said, "But now, I doubt it like I doubt Carlito's sexuality. See, that guy likes me."

I had to tell the reasons behind why I should pretend I'm gay so that Josie would believe, and I think he does.

"How in the world would you explain that to Monica?" Josie asked.

"That's my problem." My head low now, "There's no easy way to do it."

"You gotta be honest." Josie suggested, "Like, there's no perfect timing for it but you should tell her the soonest as possible. Before somebody else does."

I was rubbing my nape, collecting my thoughts now.

"You love her." Josie said as if he's a wizard of some fairy tale.

He's got my attention now, "I don't know."

He tapped me in the shoulder, "I've been your friend for a long time. I was like your big hot sister. I know what's on your mind. You love her, Adam. And you know exactly what to do."

"I do love her." I said, like a baby just learning how to talk, "I do love her."

"Here's the car key." Josie said as he handed me his key, "I can take a cab."

"Thank you." I said, my sleepiness was changed into excitement.

"Go chase her, handsome." Josie teased. And so I ran to the car and started the engine.

She's probably at Dynasty right now, damn I almost forgot my duty as her PA, I hope she won't mind just this one time. I reached Dynasty and after a couple of 'Congratulations Messages" and a lot of "You did great back there." They just said that Monica did not go to work today and did not make an excuse.

I tried to call her phone but it seems like it was turned off. I wonder what's happening. I decided to drive to her place, hoping she's there. I don't feel really good right now. I hate this feeling.

On my way, I passed by the lake which seems as dead as the autumn. I saw her there, sitting on a bench facing the dead waters.

I parked the car and walked towards her. It's starting to get cold, winter is imminent.

"Hi" I said.

"Hi." She responded, she was still on her seat.

I sat beside her, "It's starting to get cold."

She was still. Her gaze fixed on the distance, never seen her like this before.

"These trees, why do they need to die out?" She asked.

"I don't think they die." I answered, "Maybe they just need to shed their leaves during the winter."

"They're just pretending." She replied, "Trees, they pretend to be sturdy and bountiful. But look at their real form, they look grotesque."

She faced me, "Why do you need to pretend?"

My heart stopped, I don't know if it's because of the cold air or the sense of guilt. "How did you know?"

"It doesn't matter how." She answered, "It won't change the fact that you made me a fool."

My lips hardened, "I... I am sorry."

She stood up, "Just one last thing. Please, I don't wanna see you again."

Then she left. I did not do anything to stop her, I was floating. I feel so fragile and empty. I have never seen this coming, I know my life was a lie during the start but why does this have to happen? When everything seems so right, something so wrong happens. Life is not fair, at least for me it's not.

I remained seated on the same spot facing the water. I feel the melancholy, the falling leaves create circular patterns in the water and then just fades off. Mother Nature has her way to insult me it seems. But somehow, I love this silence, silence is all I have right now. The woman who I think I love is now gone forever, and I have no one else to blame but myself.

I came back to my senses when my phone sang the same tune.

I heard sobbing on the phone, "Adam, your mother is dead."