You and I

Chapter 5: BROKEN

Next morning, as I stamped a single step heading inside our classroom I heard some boys talking about Blake. I know, it's his classmates. I got curious that made me froze around the door. I knew eavesdropping is bad but I can't help it.

I heard them clear yet I pretended that I wasn't.
They don't know the real reason why Blake transferred out and that made me intrigue about things.

Random stuffs are creeping on my mind. I'm getting sick.

The school hours went well, after usual classes I headed home already because I'm feeling unwell. As I was walking along the street and a heavy rain poured. I ran to the nearest shed and I noticed that it was the shed I and Blake last stayed in, it's the same old shed.

All the memories came back into my mind as I sit on the bench. I cried loud, it's tearing me inch by inch. I hug my bag as I was talking to myself.

"Maybe... maybe next time.. maybe I can tell him what I really feel.. Maybe next time he'll forgive and understand me... But.. but what if I won't be able to see him ever again? How would that feel anyway?

" I lost something what I've not started yet. I lost him, I fully lost him."

The next morning I went to school feeling a lot sick. I care less about how my face looks right now, exhausted, for crying a lot last night. I'm totally out of myself.

After a long period of morning classes, I send myself to the school clinic to rest, sleepless nights and all.

I didn't bother to grab my lunch and just slept there for hours.

I wasn't able to to attend classes because my body's feeling lazy. I just heard the bell rang and I already went out of the clinic. I went home and throw myself on my bed.

Wandering across my mind, watching the ceiling and jumped to the conclusion of changing my image. You know, being weird ans stuffs.

I want to leave my past behind the extracting technology. I want to live without pain bothering me. I need a change. I better have a change.

The moment I woke up, I hurriedly jumped into the shower and did the rest for my morning duties.

I didn't comb my hair or even tie it. I want this change, looking baggy, weird and nontheless.  To look lifeless around fellow. To avoid intimate attention and stuffs. Disbeauty's my only option.

Everybody didn't mind my existence afrerwards. I went to the classroom silently and greeted Bridget when I passed through her beside the front door.

" Good morning ", I said weakly and went on. I didn't wait for her response that made her eyes blinked in confused manner.

I didn't mind her to avoid the tons of questions she's gonna ask. Sure thing is.

I sat and burried my head on the desk. I shut my eyes slowly and heard our teacher greeted everyone that made my jumped in shock.

I quickly stand and greeted also as well as my classmates did in unison.

For these passing hours I guess I'm too lazy to listen on the teacher's discussion.

I just stared at the window the whole time wondering about how life went so unfair for me.

The bell rang and I went to the cafeteria with Bridget. We grab our lunch, she bought a fruit juice and a piece of blueberry cheesecake. While me, on the other hand, holding a tray full of foods that made her eyes flattered wide open. Idc

Bridget didn't asked me questions, I guess she want me to figure things out first for myself. I'm on my complications, if she can't sense it then it proves that she's dumb. Kidding.

After grabbing lunch, I ditched her and went to the garden backdoors.
I sat down as I watched the eye capturing scenery. I killed my time there and went home afterwards.

The rain poured unexpectedly. I found a shed and ran hurriedly there.

The shed where I first talked to him, the shed where I get to spend time with him for hours, the shed where everything started.

I thought I was able to see him here fitting himself in but I was disappointed to see nothing.

I cried again, I can't take this. No more. I'm hopeless.