Activated

chapter 15: in dreams 7

Soji began to get reckless. If he tripped on a newly-mopped kitchen floor, it did not matter. He let washed pots and pans drop onto his feet. He went all around town and tried as many new food stores as he could find within his salary. There was a time he got into a fight over use of the chopping knives, and it did not matter that he left it with a black eye and a bloody nose.

He wanted to know what he could remember, and what he could not. He did remember the pain from slipping on the floor, the pain from the heavy pan on his toes, the punch over his cheek. They actually happened, and he was awake when they happened.

He kept the memory jade always activated and recording. Yet it still showed lapses of time, points when nothing was recorded, when it stayed blank.

This was beside the other cuts and bruises that showed up on his arms and abdomen that he was not sure how he got. He only understood about that long cut to the right side of his abdomen because Yoko explained it, but he did not know how he received it, and why it deserved to keep hurting.

“With all respect, commander,” he finally asked, “what are you making me do?”

“It is for the good of the Selatan, soldier. It is all you need to know,” came the reply.

That was not very assuring. But he was a soldier of the defense brigade, and he was in no position to ask further.

Also he was not sure if there was a connection between all the tension in the Selatan capital, and of him being called more often into the brigade commander’s office. More commoners were killed now, people rumored or confirmed to be speaking against the king. Even when he came to the kitchen every day, he was not sure when he was awake or when he was asleep.

Yoko finally got him to sit down in front of her. It was late in the evening, when the cooks and cleaners had left after tidying up for the night.

She handed him a bowl of peaches and oranges. “Do you want to talk about it, Soji?”

“I don’t even know what to talk about, that’s the problem,” he sighed as he peeled an orange. He did hand over the memory jade to Yoko from under the table.

Yoko clasped it in her hand and resurfaced memories. She frowned at him when she finished.

“What division of the brigade are you in again?” she asked.

“They…never really told me?” he grinned, embarrassed.

“Where do you go to sleep?”

“The fourth floor. The shadow barracks, they call it.”

Yoko gazed at him, watched him closely for a few moments. He watched her as well, while he munched on the oranges, wondering. But the longer she watched him, the more he saw her eyes water. She looked at him with sadness. Not pity, but an immense sadness, and he did not understand why.

She inched closer to him and whispered into his ear. “Soji. Get out of Selatan. Tonight. I’ll explain to the head cook, even the commander. I’ll take their punishment. But get out of here.”

“Wh–what?” he put down the bowl of fruit.

“Don’t go back to the barracks tonight. Get out of Selatan. Tonight.”

“Selatan? All…all of Selatan?” he stammered. What was she saying?

“Shhh!” she covered his mouth, and continued. “Get out of here. Go traveling. Go to Pendi. Whatever. But get out of Selatan. Don’t tell anyone. Just go.”

“Wh–why?” He couldn’t just leave everyone and not say goodbye! They were all so good to him! No!

“The longer you stay, the more the brigade will use you. They will work you to the bone, killing people for them. And when they have no more use for you, they will kill you.”

“Kill people! No! I don’t!”

“Do you really believe that?” she asked, grasping his hand.

He remembered all those blank places in the memory jade, all the bruises and healing scars he could not explain, all the silence in the streets.

“That…that was not me…”

“I’d like to think so, too…but other people hold you. Get away from that hold, and get away from here.”

He looked around at the darkened kitchen. The oven where his peach cake came out overdone. The vegetable-chopping area. The pantry. “But…Yoko…”

“Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself. Get out. Tonight.”

“But…Yoko…”

She squeezed the hand she held. “They took my brother. I won’t let them take my vegetable duty partner too. Get out of here, Soji. Before I tell you something else. Go.”

He came up and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her hand finding his pocket, slipping the memory jewel into it.

She gently removed herself from the embrace, gently pushed him away. “Get lost, Soji.”

“I’ll miss you, Yoko…”

“Get lost. Don’t let me see you again.” Her eyes were teary.

“Thank you.”

She looked away. “Work on the mushroom soup. It’s your best dish.”

He nodded. He walked backward, toward the main door.

“Soji.”

“Hm?”

“You are you.”

He nodded, and opened the main door.

Soldiers grabbed him and clamped a piece of cloth over his face, until he lost awareness of Yoko, the kitchen, and all that she said.

#

He did not know how long he was out this time, but it was quite a long blank time in his head, not even a dream. He did something, because he did not feel stiff at all, like he did back in the infirmary when he stayed in bed for a long time.

But at the back of his mind, he distinctly heard a piercing scream of a young woman. Associated with the word ‘liquidate’. He could recall nothing else, but that scream pierced his head.

What had he done? What happened? Who…who had he killed now?

He turned to his side and sat up in bed.

“Excellent work, soldier.” He rubbed his eyes and made out the features of the brigade commander. “Selatan may have lost this one, but Pendi no longer has an advantage. Excellent work, Soji of the meridian.”

“But what did I do?” he asked.

“Just know that your contribution has been key to our battle.”

Battle? What? “Respectfully, your grace, tell me what happened!”

“Pendi’s forces was seriously disabled in our attack of their capital. Thanks to your efforts, they have lost their Force Field. We simply underestimated the number of their forces. We will return to fight them again.”

What did he mean, Pendi lost their Force Field, that the enemy lost it because of him? And why won’t anyone tell him anything directly!

“What am I, commander, your grace? What am I?”

The commander said, with a deep frown, “A soldier of the defense brigade.”

Who slept in the shadow barracks. The shadow division.

He knew and did not know, but now it struck him like a heavy cast-iron frying pan.

Whoever killed his mother…he was one of them now.

There was another thing that pierced his head, shouted from the depths of his mind over and over. Another young woman’s desperate whispers, in the darkened kitchen.

Get out of Selatan. Just go.