I don't understand. I don't understand. I. Don't. Understand! How did this happen?! How... Why?! I lay there curled up in the bed, thinking about all the questions swarming through my head. They went by so fast, I couldn't even account for most of them. What, what, what?! What do I do now?! I'm not bi or anything! How could I... What the shit...?! I heard Ryan step back into the room. He doesn't know I heard. Act. Normal. Dammit...!
"Hey, Felix..." I swallowed hard.
"Hey... y-you seem kinda down."
"Yeah, but I'm alright. Well, I will be... one day..." He's talking about me...
"What happened? I-I got scared when you weren't in the room, but I... didn't feel like looking for you." Thanks good enough, right?
"Oh, I had a visitor... Nothing. It's fine." He smiled- and I knew it was forced. I forced a smile back. Suddenly, Ryan put a hand to his head and swayed a bit, and I jumped up to stable him.
"You okay?" I asked, grabbing a hold of his arm.
"Y-Yeah... I need... to lay down..." I helped him back over to the bed, and lay him down. I sighed deeply.
"So... how are the injuries? When do you think they'll let you out of here?" The shock was starting to ebb away, but there was still a question that had yet to be answered. Who is Cry, and what did he mean, let Cry take over...?
I justified it in my own mind as multi-personality disorder. Ryan's voice shattered my thoughts. "I don't know. He hasn't said anything about going home. All I know is I have a nasty concussion, and that my stomach was almost blown out..." He looked down at his hands and shuttered. "Damn... I never expected him to send a fucking army after me..."
"An... an army?!"
Ryan nodded slightly. "There was at least thirty guys after me... He really... REALLY wants me to die..."
"This guy... he..." I felt anger pulse through me, and I clenched my hands into fists. "He's going to pay... Just like the rest of them." I felt that smile return to my face, and Ryan smiled as well.
"They will pay. I promise." Ryan told me.
"I promise too." I swore. "If I have anything to do with it, no one will get hurt, except them. But... We can't take on thirty guys at once... We'll have to deal with them, one by one."
Ryan nodded in understanding. "Heh, I know. Wish we could take them all on at once, though."
"It'd be cool, that's for sure."
"So... uhh... Felix...?"
"Yeah?" Just say it! I know what you want to say to me! Have some guts! I shouted silently.
"Uhh... ehe... n... Nevermind, It... It's stupid..." He just can't tell me yet...
"Strike two." I said.
"Huh?"
"That's the second time you've said the exact same thing to me. Strike two." I repeated. "Strike three, and you're out." I said in a joking manner, but it had a different meaning. Part of me wanted him to say it, while the other half wanted his feelings for me to disappear completely. I don't want to break his heart... I thought with a great deal of sorrow. I've never dated a guy... or even had those kinds of feelings towards one, much less! So many demons to fight...
Ryan chuckled a bit and smiled. "Okay, friend. I won't do it again. I'll tell you next time..." Ryan looked down again. "If there is a next time, anyway..."
"There will be, I promise. We'll make it out of this little war together. Neither of us will die."
"You seem so confident... and this is coming out of Felix Kjellburg? Where did this confidence come from?"
I pondered his question for a moment. He's right. I was always such a wimp... what happened? Ryan must have noticed the confused look on myface because he said, "Ehh, It doesn't matter anyway."
The doctor came in right after that. "Ryan, if you are stable enough to walk without falling, and there's minimal pain, you can go home tomorrow. Your concussion's almost gone, and you're healing fast." He said with a smile.
Ryan tilted his head to the side. "You sure? Already?" That was his lack of trust setting in again.
"Isn't that great, Ryan?! You can go home!" I said as enthusiastically as possible.
Ryan smiled. "Yeah! That's amazing! But why is it so difficult for me to walk, doc?"
"One of the bullets hit your spine, and paralyzed you a bit. You don't have total control over all of your muscles."
"Can that be fixed?"
"Yeah, with a good amount of therapy, I think we can fix it."
"Oh... okay."
"Any questions?"
"Nah..."
"Okay." The doctor left.
"Dammit! Therapy? Really?"
"I've had to have physical therapy once. It hurts sometimes, but it feels so good when you strech."
"But this makes our plan harder to carry out."
"It's fine. I don't have to get him back right now, anyway. It can wait."
He nodded, but I could still tell he was upset. "Look, it's okay. Really."
Ryan curled up in the bed. "No, it isn't. Nothing's okay right now. I want it to get better... but... nothing seems to want to let up! The walls are closing in on me..."
I shuddered remembering how I felt when my dad was still alive. I felt like there wasn't a future. No escape.
"I know how you feel. Like you can't escape your nightmares, like there isn't a future... I know it all, trust me."
"The thing is, though, I know I have a future! I'm not going to die here, but things don't want to seem to get better!" I saw a tear on his cheek, and his voice was cracking at this point. "Why did this have to happen to us?! Why couldn't we have lived normal lives?!"
I felt my own tears fill my eyes, and my vision was blurred. "I don't know... I really don't know..." I felt confidence rush back into me. "But we can rise up from what we were- and are. I won't let my past drag me down, and you shouldn't let your present drag you down. We'll get out of this and to happy times together. I swear."
"You promise...?" He sniffed. I smiled, remembering myself again. We are a lot alike, but so different at the same time.
"I promise."
