the boy on the cliff ☯

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Too soon, autumn fades away into winter. The nights get longer - way too long. Some days, the wind is almost deafening out near the ocean.
I start waking up to frost-covered windows and inevitable bitter gales that almost blow me into the road on the walk to school.
Winter is everything I hate, rolled together into three or four months of hell.
I huddle inside my jacket as I walk, while Chanyeol bounds ahead like an over-excited puppy.
It's freezing and gross and I feel miserable but I smile at him from underneath my hood.
He makes anything bearable. More than bearable. More like 1000 times better.
My eyes ache from no sleep. I was texting Chanyeol for most of the night; he can survive on the smallest amounts of sleep and often forgets that I can't.
"Hurry up!" He says, looking back at me. "We'll be late for class!"
I raise one eyebrow. "Why do you care about that? You never do, normally."
"You're right. But I know you do." He tugs at my hand.
"I do not." I huff, my cheeks flushing. Though that's just because of the cold. Obviously. "Not really."
"Yes, you do. You can't hide anything from me, you're an open book! Now come on, my little nerd." He twines his fingers around mine. "Let's run!"
"Stop it! I'm too tired to run!" I moan, leaning back on my heels to stop him from pulling me over.
"You're not the only tired one." Chanyeol says. "I just know how to cope with it."
"Okay, okay. Just don't make me run." I mutter, and then suddenly his hands are around my waist and he's hauling me into the air.
"Stop it!" I yelp loudly. He laughs, holding me bridal-style in his arms. "Stop it!" I repeat. "There are people round here! They'll see, put me down!"
Chanyeol sighs, and lowers me to the ground.
"Then we're running!" He says quickly, grabbing my wrist and hurtling down the pavement.
His legs are longer than mine. I almost trip over several times, trying hard to keep up with his giant strides. I'm out of breath quickly, my legs starting to hurt.
"Stop! Stop - it!" I say, wriggling my arm away from his grasp, struggling to catch my breath. "I can't - run much - I - didn't - take my - meds..."
Chanyeol stops dead in his tracks. "Sorry, sorry, sorry!" He cries. "Are you okay?"
I nod weakly. My chest burns, and I feel kind of light-headed, but it'll pass. It always does.
"It's - my fault.." I tell him, clutching my head. "I forgot - to take - them."
"Well, we're almost there." He realises, and we walk the last few metres up to the school, Chanyeol burbling apologies. We enter the school gates, and are soon lost in a crowd of people. Chanyeol walks me to my classroom, right by my side, his arm brushing against mine with every step.
He stops outside the door, and when he kisses my forehead, I tense up, scared someone will notice. No one does.
"See you later, my little nerd."

At lunch, Chanyeol holds my hand. Under the table, out of sight, but still. It makes it almost impossible for me to concentrate on eating.
His fingers massaging my palm sends shivers down my spine.
"Hey. Look." Chanyeol says, pointing discreetly at another table. I follow his finger and see Sehun, sitting next to Luhan.
What?
"How did that happen?" I wonder out loud. "I thought... Him and that Yixing kid?" Yixing is nowhere to be seen.
Chanyeol nods slowly. I clock Sehun's expression. He's sitting on his hands, his face slightly flushed, trying to act normal and only just managing.
Chanyeol laughs to himself quietly. "Get in there, Sehun!" He says under his breath. "Make your move."
I can't help but laugh, and yet also feel kind of embarrassed, because the Sehun-Luhan thing is so similar to how I was with Chanyeol before... All this.
Only I didn't have the courage to go up and sit next to him, like Sehun has now.
I'm happy for Sehun, I really am. But somewhere, deep down, I'm jealous. Jealous that he could do something like that. I get forgotten, left behind in the shadows, because I never stand up for myself, do things that I want.
I hate being that person. The one who has nothing better to do than be on time for everything, study hard, do as they're told.
"Baek, you're daydreaming... Baek!" Chanyeol snaps his fingers in front of my face.
"Mmm." I brush his hand away.
"What's up with you? You've been acting really down lately." He asks.
I don't want to be that person. The one who drags people down with them, who bores people to death and never does anything. My childhood has already been wasted.
I need to grab life by the throat. That is an extremely weird metaphor, I think to myself. But I'm going with it.
"Hey... Chan? Can we skip class?"