The Boy with 100 Days

Day 4

            So, even when you’re dying, life can still get a lot worse for you. As long as she’s happy I guess it is fine with me. I just wish it were me that made her happy. I feel empty inside, like my heart has just disappeared, or that it decided to just stop for a while to recover. I guess this is why the heart is the organ of love, because when life crashes around you, it is your heart that feels the most empty.

            I went over to Liz’s house and she was on her porch-swing with her boyfriend, holding each other. I waved and walked up to them and shook hands with the boyfriend whose name is Christian. He was tall, built, dark brown hair, brown eyes, and had a light tan. We all sat there talking for an hour, and then he had to go home, so it was just Liz, and I sitting there.

            “Are you okay?” She asked me when Christian got into his dads van, and drove off.

            “Yeah…I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” I said looking away. She grabbed my arm.

            “Come on, I've known you since elementary school, I know when something is bugging you. What’s the matter?” I slowly pulled away from her and shook my head.

            “I can’t tell you, imagine something so…so…so… I can’t think of the word, but I guess secretive? So secretive that you can’t even tell your best friend, let alone the person you love.” She looked at me as if asking for a bigger explanation. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it, trust me.” She said okay, and I left for the day, sorry and heart broken.

            When I got home I told my parents I was really tired, and went into my room. I turned off the light and I laid myself down face-down to my pillow and cried. I cried for a good hour, my face was all red, my throat dry, and my pillow very moist. I threw the pillow off my bed and just lay flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t even late, but the room was so filled with the shadows and darkness. I pulled out a knife from my dresser, and was about to cut myself, when I remembered what an old friend of mine used to tell me whenever I was down.

            “Come on Alex, life gets better, no matter what. You can sit around and mope, but out there, that’s reality, and reality means that the sunshine against your face is real! The birds chirping singing their songs all day, being merry and cheerful are real too! Everything around you is real! So don’t try to hurt yourself…because that's real too and it doesn't make anything better.. Come on, give it a go. Use your ears! Tell me what you hear. Use your eyes! Tell me what you see. There, now how do you feel?”

            I put the knife away, wiped my face of tears and let my face cool down. I went out and helped my mom with dinner, and later that night I imagined all the good things that could come from tomorrow.