The Boy with 100 Days

Day 17

            I forgot to take my journal with me for camping, so I wasn't able to write in it. The camping trip wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. I mean, it was okay, but it would have been better if I was happier. I had good signal on my phone at the camping grounds, and  I had a full battery for it too, but still got nothing. I am actually writing this on a napkin on the drive home, because it will be night before we get there, and I am already tired as it is. I'll rewrite this in the journal later.

            I think I am only tired, because of depression. I told my parents I was depressed, and they said we would go get some anti-depressants when we get home. They were really worried about me when I told them, in fact they keep looking back to make sure I am okay, and keep trying to keep up a nice friendly conversation with me. I am only replying with one word responses however, and I just seem to be making it more and more difficult for them. I feel sorry, but I can't help it.

            We stopped at a little diner off the freeway, and got some BLT's with fries. I got a strawberry milkshake, and my parents got coffee. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, and by force of habit texted Liz saying "Hey what's up?" when I noticed what I had done, I began to panic, and feel a shock of shame, and embarrassment. I didn't want to make her upset, or angry, but it was too late.

            She replied "Please, don't Alex, don't start this with me, I'm sorry, but I can't. Please just stop okay? I really can't deal with this. Again I'm sorry. Bye." Another rush of pain washed over me, and I almost began to cry. The cashier looked a lot like Liz, and sure enough her nametag said Elizabeth on it, so I decided to write a letter about her.

7/30

Dear Liz,

            I know you probably hate me for texting you, but it was an accident. Today I saw somebody who looked like you, and funny enough her nametag said Elizabeth on it. Maybe you are a time traveler. Or maybe you are an angel that is watching over me, but doesn't want me getting too close. Or maybe its just a really sad coincidence. Either way, I miss you, and think about you a lot. Please just come back I need you more than ever, my heart is literally aching for a smile again. Please..

Alex

            I told my parents about the cashier, and they looked at me funny. They told me the cashier was a guy, and that he didn't look like Liz at all. When I argued about it, they brought me in to look again, and it turns out the hallucinations had started to kick in. I felt so embarrassed at that point. I was silent the rest of the way home, even when my parents tried talking to me, I just ignored them and continued to sit in silence.

            When we got home, I helped unpack, and put everything away. I sat on my bed, and began hallucinating again that she was sitting on my desk eating an apple. I looked at her, and said to myself she wasn't real, and she replied "I am as real as you want me to be." and smiled. I buried my face in a pillow, and screamed so that it muffled the sound out, and absorbed my tears.