Hi guys, so this is a very serious imagine. It does involve self harm i just want to tell you that before hand in case any of you are not okay with that or get uncomfortable. If any of you or if you know anyone who is harming themselves please find help and always know that my inbox is open if you need me. I love you guys, enjoy!! xoxo
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"Holy shit that was a good show" justin manages to say through his breathe.
"you did so good baby" you lean up and plant a kiss on his moist lips.
"aye yo ry can u grab me a water?" ryan jogs to the fridge to catch justin a water.
Its been a long time on tour. you guys were in Brisbane at the moment with only 6 more shows left on the whole tour.
You miss home so much its insane. Being on tour is great but you only get a limited amount of time with Justin everyday. He has vocal lessons in the morning, a workout session in the afternoon, soundcheck in the evening and then his show right afterwards. You get a quick peck and an 'i love you' every once in a while but its draining to be on tour and not see your boyfriend.
Dan runs onto the bus and stops halfway up the stairs "Justin, scooter needs you asap brother"
"aahh damn okay be right there" justin looks at you and sees the disappointment pooling in your eyes.
He kisses your forehead before giving a sensual "i love you" look and running off the bus.
Before you know it a tear has raced down your cheek and splashed onto your wrists.
You look down and see the fading scars laying upon your skin.
"dont" your conscious screams. You cant let yourself seep back into the dark times. You promised yourself and justin that you wouldnt stoop to that ever again, but the pain was agonizing.
You missed home, Justin was never around, you spent all day lying on a bus scared to check your phone and find death threats from raging fans. You love Justin but being alone isnt worth it.
You scurry into the bathroom and shut the door before ryan sees you upset. Sliding down the back of the door your cheeks become flooded with tears.
You grab your razor from the counter and snap the ends picking up a single blade. Holding the cold fragile metal in between the pads of your fingers brings back the same pain and agony that pushed you to create the scars on your wrist right now.
You press the sharp edge in between two scars and slice your skin pressing harder with each movement. You screech in pain but sigh in relief. It feels so good to mask the pain your feeling inside and not let it show.
"Chelsea? Are you okay?" ryan questions from outside.
Quickly scurrying to clean up your mess the handle turns and the door swings open.
there you are sitting on the ground with a blade in one hand and a towel in the other.
ryan looks down and sees the drips of blood falling from your wrist. His eyes widen then soften with despair.
"Chelsea" he mutters softly obviously at a loss of words. The same tears pierce your eyes and flow down your flushed cheeks.
Ryan kneels down beside you taking your hand into his inspecting your cut. "why?" is all he can think to ask. But there isnt a reasonable answer to a question like that. Saying 'because im sad' isn't good enough but neither is just standing there.
"I needed to. Im in pain and i need to mask it with a different pain"
Without hesitation he wraps his arms around you giving a much needed hug. It didnt feel like a normal hug it was like he was saying "We all love you and need you." it was a reassuring experience.
Ryan helps you stand back on your feet and clean up your wrist. He wraps it tightly with some gauze and medicine to help it heal faster.
"Hey babe where are y-" Justin hollers before seeing you "oh there you are"
He looks down at the bandage on your wrist with a confused look.
"what happened there?" he questions.
"nothing im fine" you can feel ryans eyes beaming on you.
You look up and see his expression. a 'if you dont tell him i will' look.
"Chelsea can you please tell me what going on?" justin seems to be getting angry with the fact that you are obviously keeping something from him.
"Justin listen she c-" Ryan begins to explain but you stop him. Its only right if you tell him.
"Can we talk, in private, please?" Justin nods and follows you into the back.
"Babe seriously whats up? Are you okay?" he asks resting his palm on your knee.
"Justin when i first came on tour with you i was so excited. I thought i was going to love being away from home for so long and spending so much time with you, but thats not what happened. You were barely ever here. I saw you maybe 2 times a day for a couple minutes before you got dragged away for a meet and greet or a vocal warmup. I understand its your job but its so frustrating. Im left here all alone with tweets and comments flooding in about how 'im not good enough for you' or 'justin doesnt even love you'. I cant take it anymore"
Justins eyes were glossy and his smile had faded.
"Chelsea, i try my hardest every single day to see you as much as a i can. Touring the world isnt all fun and games i have a serious job i have to do. It kills me not being able to see your beautiful face or kiss you every minute of the day believe me. And those people on social media dont know what the fuck they are talking about. They dont know the amazing, talented, beautiful girl that i know and love with all my heart. But what does this have to do with that" he points to your wound.
A wave of emotions tumbles right over you. You couldnt bare to see the look on justins face when he sees what you have done. It will hurt him.
"Show me. Now." he demands, with a worried tone.
You slowly unwrap the gauze to reveal a fresh cut. It stings when the cold hair wisps against the open wound.
"im so sorry" you mumble.
Justins grasp goes limp and his head falls. You could tell he was disappointed.
"Baby look at me" he lifts your chin with his pointer finger. " i love you more than words can describe. You mean the absolute world to me. Doing this isnt going to help anything. Please chelsea, please i am begging you stop hurting yourself." tears spill out of justins eyes and onto your cut.
He rewraps your wound and places you under the covers of the bed lying next to you. His grasp was tighter than usual and his kisses were far more passionate.
You nestle your head into his chest. "i love you too Justin"
"im here baby. Always." Your eyes flutter shut and the room goes silent only the noises of the wind rustling through the trees fills your ears.
You were truly blessed to have Justin in your life, and you will never let him go.
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Thank you so much for reading i hope you enjoyed! Remember you can always message me if you need someone to talk to. xoxo
