Drowning

Chapter 1

No one writes books about suicidal kids, and maybe that's for the best. No one wants to read a book about someone killing themselves. Maybe just the thought that "maybe I shouldn't do this... I don't want things to end like they did for them..." Would help other suicidal kids but then again it could push them to commit suicide even more so than if they hadn't read the book at all. Either way; no one writes books about suicidal kids.

The gental buzzing of my alarm wakes me up from the darkness of a dream that I won't remember. All I can think as I wake is why am I still here? Really I know the answer to that though. Suicidal people don't want to die, they just want to be saved. No one is coming in here in shining armour on a white horse to save me though maybe that's why I think suicide is the way out and it sucks. Life just, sucks.

Making my way down the stairs I can tell my mums left on early shift again. If she was here she'd be humming the tune to missing you by all time low. She often hears me playing it full blast when she gets home from work and I think she's gotten addicted to it, just like me. At least her not being home means I don't need to eat breakfast and it won't worry her than I didn't. It's not like I'm anorexic or anything it's just eating breakfast makes me feel sick.

After putting a plate in the sink to make it look like I ate I make my way back upstairs and put my uniform on making sure to put my jumper on to cover up my scares. I brush my teeth and grab my school bag. This is it, this is life but quite honestly this isn't living.

Arriving at school I know today's going to be hell. The sun is out fall blast and I have to keep my jumper on. Great, maybe this will be how I die. I walk through the gates and go strait to my form room; no one would want to hang out with me anyway. I pull out my chair in my back corner of the room and get out my book and start reading about zombies taking over and escape into this fantasy world so I don't have to be in my reality anymore.

The bell rings and nine as usual and everyone starts filling the small art room we stay in for form. Eventuly our form tutor shuffles in, sits at his desk and reads out the register. Honestly he is probably as old as the school is. After he's done he starts marking books and leaves everyone to do their own thing. The three other people at my table I wouldn't class as my friends, they just put up with me sitting there and reading and they chat between themselves while I read. I think they are talking about some girl in there class or something I don't care about.

After thirty minutes the bell finally rings and I can escape to my English class. Now I dislike everyone in my class however English no matter what we're doing allows me to escape into my own or someone else's fantasy and that's my reason for hanging on this long, there are ways to escape life... Even if it's only for a minuet there are ways.

We get into writing our own stories and obviously my class have to distroy my fantasy by being loud and throwing paper and rubbers around. How can the school expect us to work like this... If I can't even escape into a fantasy what's the point of living? I feel something hit my back and it sends a wave of pain up my spine and for a minuet everyone's silent. I put my hand to my back and feel a warm liquid, I look at my hand and it's covered in blood, then I look at the floor and there are some scissors. My chest starts to tighten and it's getting harder for me to breath... Oh no... Panic attack coming... Three people from my class come up to me and put there hands on my arms "Are you okay? You should go to the nurse!" Says a blonde girl, I can see the worry in her eyes. I can't say anything, my breathing just gets harder and harder as my chest gets tighter and tighter. Then everything went black.
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Okay so I know it's not great and there's probably a lot of spelling mistakes but let me know what you think of the first chapter! Thank you!