Drowning

Chapter 2

I open my eyes slowly and look to my left and see the school nurse sitting across from where I'm laying. She smiles when she sees I'm awake and walks over to me. "How are you feeling sweet?" She asks as she crouches next to me. I just nod.

I don't speak I haven't spoken for five years. I guess that was when my anxiety was triggered and I became to scared to speak to anyone.

"Well Hun it seems you had a panic attack again which made you pass out. There's also a small cut on your back not very deep. Mums on her way here though can't send you back to class seen as you passed out!" She informes me still smiling. She stands up and walks over to her office across the hall. Oh god... My mums going to be so worried. I get panic attacks so easy, I don't know why they don't just send me back to class I'm use to it. I sit up, my back stings a little but nothing I can't handle. I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, huh only 9:30am seems I was only out for half an hour or so. I slide my phone back into my pocket. I'm sure mum will be here in a couple minuets if they informed her right away. I touch my back again. Damn the scissors cut through my jumper and my top... Mum won't let me wear it to school anymore, how will I cover up my scars and cuts till I get a new one?
"Hey sweet, mums here. Want me to walk you up to the frount office?" The nurse pipes as she appears in the doorway. I shake my head, put my blazer on and pick up my bag. I smile at the nurse then walk out and make my way down the hall to the frount office. Oh god please don't let mum have her worried look... Please.

Sure enough as I push the double doors to the office she's there twiddling her hands looking down at the floor with her eyes almost over spilling with worry. God damn it! Why do I have to do this to her? She looks up and jumps up to hug me. "Are you okay Hun?" She asks looking me up and down for injury. I nod. "Okay... Let's get you home then." She whispers while putting her arm round my shoulders as if she needs to protect me in the walk from here to the car park.

We walk into our house and my mum kisses me on the forehead. "I've got to go to work Hun I'm sorry but if you need anything just call okay?" She says . I nod and she smiles and walks out.

I wonder into the kitchen, may as well make a decent lunch seen as I'm home. I get eggs, cheese, potato, peppers and onions out and start making a Spanish omelet. Mum never usually lets me cook at home even though I take catering GCSE. I finish making the omelet and sit down to eat. I then feel something warm and fluffy brush past my legs. I look under the table and see my golden retriever Daisy. I've had her for 10 years now and she's getting pretty old. I crouch under the table with her and hug her. I feel tears start to well up and then I start to break down. Where the fuck did my life go wrong to make me feel like this? No one at school wants me! They are only nice when they know they could get in trouble for hurting me! My mum has to work long hours to pay for me, she'd get a lot more rest and money if she didn't have me! My dad doesn't even want me! I can't even speak to anyone anymore! No one fucking needs me! I'm just in the way of everyone's lives! I'm bawling my eyes out making Daisy's fur wet. Oh god I'm sorry you have to put up with me Daisy! I have no fucking place in this world!

I stay there crying till I have no tears left. What kind of fucked up world is this that it pushes people to the point of suicide? I know it's a world I don't want to be a part of. I hug Daisy one last time and mouth the words "I'm sorry" to her. I run upstairs and grab a pen and some paper and start to write.

Dear mum
I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up... You deserve nothing but the best and I'm just not that. I'm so so fucking sorry. This is for the best for you... No one wants me or needs me I'm just an inconvenience to you... Not even dad wanted me, no one at school wants me, no one. Deep down you know you'd be so much better off with out me...
I love you...
Lola

I fold up the not and put it on my desk. I get my phone and start playing bulletproof love by pierce the veil on repeat so mum will hear it when she gets home. I search under my bed and retrieve my box of blades that I keep under there and take the sharpest one out and hide the box again. I fall back on my bed and roll up the sleeves of my jumper and look at my already scared wrists... No one is coming to save me are they? I bring the blade to me wrist... One quick action with a lot of pressure... Okay, this is it... Goodbye world... I drag the blade across my wrist forcing it down as much as possible sending sharp pains up my arm. I can help but collapse to the floor as the blood flows like a stream out of my wrist... This is it... I hear a door open and my mother call me... Oh god I'm sorry... My vision slowly faids away as the darkness approaches...

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Okay let me know what you think. I'm sorry if this is triggering to anyone but if you've read the first chapter or the discription what can you expect? Also this is a way of me venting everything from my own life so yeah. Thanks for reading.