Dear Ty,
So Ive been all over the place since you left. Like so many horrible thoughts. We went to Branson and mom and dad git in a fight like always, well mom dragged me into it because I went to a show with dad that she didn't want to go to. She didn't say my name for the entire night. We went to dinner and that's where out started. She called me"precious" all night. Not in a good way though. And when dad started walking, she told me to get out and walk with him. Then tried to hit me when I tried. I walked out of the dinner we were in crying. And I only sucked it up because I had to. Because I needed to. All that night I wanted to cut. I wanted to do it so bad. But we were in a hotel and I didn't have a way, or I probably would have. I still haven't forgiven her for that. And everyday I work my ass off cleaning the house and doing laundry and watching kids, but I never do enough for them. There's always something that I don't do or don't do good enough. I realize that that's life. Yeahh were always going to make mistakes. But everyday when its something that I do all the time I do it right. Or if I forget one time I get my ass chewed. I'm tired if living with them. They do nothing but judge. I guess I'm only really talking about this because I've had a shit day. My day started out immediately bad. Then Rachel wouldn't leave me the fuck alone and wouldn't stop shit talking you and mom. So I walked away before I hit get then. She came back up to me and said something about Jay. And kept talking about him. About all thus shit about him. And all those feelings just pop up like"hey here I am" and I just want to hit her so much because I don't want that bill shit anymore. I have toy I don't need now do I want him in my life. Then I saw him in the hallway waiting in what used to be our spot and what Rachel had been saying kept popping back into my head. So I just git so angry. Because why the jerk can't she see that obviously I don't like her and I don't like him. Then Mykah told me that she said that she wad going to push me into Jay in the halls. I swear if I ever get kicked out its because of her. So today had just been shit for me. But I got a letter from toy today and that mademe feel so much better. Then I talked to josh on the phone on the way home and that helped. Cuz he's my best friend. And he knew just the things to say to make me geek better out make me thin think about something else. So we ended up talking about a apartment together which is where you came while off, and then all these rules. And how he apparently git me to admit I wanted to sleep with you. But I never said that, it was entirely him on that part. I told him we had too have the suck rule for him. Lol so anyways. Its been bad, but good. And I didn't harm myself. I'm proud of me. I love you Ty. So much.
