I know || fem!malum

seven

makayla

junior year.

I had gone three years knowing callie. during that summer I remember us hanging out a lot more. ashton wasn't around as much, which I didn't question nor did I care about, and we became super close again. just like before, actually. maybe she was even drifting from ashton.

I could tell she was making more time for me. she told me one time, "don't mention today to anyone, I told ashton I was spending the day with my grandparents."

so I knew she was making time for me. and I should be grateful for that. but... why couldn't she just tell ashton she was with me? I mean, that's his girlfriend... I understand that if she were hanging ut with another guy... but I mean I knew callie before ashton did. I literally introduced them to each other and they built their relationship from there. seriously, why doesn't ashton think I would've made a move by now?

however, that may bring up a different topic.

how obvious have I been with my feelings towards her? does callie think I have a mad, insane crush on her like I do? does ashton think I do? actually, I wouldn't expect ashton to think anything because he's always been kinda clueless. but maybe he's been thinking a lot more because callie feels the need to hold our hangouts behind a curtain.

not that I'm complaining. I still like hanging out with her and everything. I love her. and I wasn't shy telling her that.

"I love you."

I told her that for the first time during junior year. during one of our secret hangouts. she told me she 'loved me, too'. and I wanted so bad to tell her I didn't just love her.

I wanted to tell her I was in love with her, too.

but I couldn't. then she would find out. then she would cut off contact with me. and I would like more to just spend time with her without her knowing my feelings than her not talking to me at all because she found out. I mean, that's what any sane person would want, right? 

because it doesn't matter if you tell the person that you love that you love them. what matters it that you spend time with them to show it. then words aren't really needed.

soon enough callie was comfortable saying it first. the whole "I love you" thing. when she was away from ashton and it was just the two of us -- in the park walking on the sidewalk, in the run down boba shop across the theater, at her big, gigantic house full of empty rooms -- she would say "I love you." with so much meaning. she meant it. and it felt so good when she said it that I would say "I love you more."

and somehow her response made my heart flip and break at the same time.

after telling her I loved her more, her response was always "I know."

-

I really wanted to get a chapter out, which is why its super short. I'll try to make the next one long!!

thank you for supporting this story. means a lot, you know?