1. You should wear a condom on your head , if you're going to act like a dick you may as well dress like one.
2. If I wanted to kill myself , I'd climb up to your ego and jump to your IQ.
3. Stop calling yourself hot , the only thing you'll turn on is a microwave.
4. ( when someone calls you gay , lesbian etc ) i'm straighter than the pole your mother dances on , honey.
5. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
