What Pain It May Bring

Chapter 4

Jackson slowly walked toward the center of the small clearing... he could still smell the lingering scent of Stiles Stilinski..... it was faint but he could still make it out..... he followed it from the path that lead here.... he tried to take every step that Stiles had taken the day before.... when he arrived at the center of this clearing.... he finally looked down.... his face just seemed to change....it lost that cocky smirk he always has... .now it was just a pained look.... he sat down near the burnt shadow.... his hand lightly tracing the shadow's hand...

"Stilinski........S-Stiles....I-I'm so sorry.....sorry....I never meant to hurt you....I am so sorry how I've treated you..... you didn't deserve it or this.....especially fucking this." the boy said as tears started flowing. "I did those things because I never felt I was good enough..never..... it was wrong how I treated you.....but you were so infuriating.... you couldn't do anything right and yet it never bothered you... you didn't care what anyone thought... a skinny runt like you and nothign hurt you.... you just smiled and picked  yourself up and did what you thought was best... I-I thought you were amazing"

He just stared at the scorched ground..... his fingers rubbing inside the shadow's hand....just gentle petting on that hand....he sobbed softly and started to talk,"Of alll of us ....you were the strongest.... bravest....when we went up against the alpha pack.... and that alpha had tore my stomach open....I thought I was done....but  you ran over....stood right in front of me.....you just standing there protecting me.....with nothing but your wits and sarcasm.....and the mountain ash..... man how you pissed off that alpha....he didn't notice you pouring the mountain ash....when he dove for you and he hit that wall hard... you ran up to him with that knife dripping wolfsbane and stabbed him in the heart... you a dork took out the first one....YOU!.... then you took the mountain ash and encircled us to give me time to heal....you held my stomach together til it healed...... all you did was smile at me and tell me everything was going to be OK..."

He looked around and noticed no animals were anywhere close around....no bugs...there was nothing but a wind that sounded mournful as it blew through the trees....and him.... it was like everything good in this place had been burnt our of exsistance.....everything.....he sobbed lightly and continued talking to the boy," You ....I still can believe you took out three of the alphas....Derek took out two barely and Allison took out one...the rest of us had our asses handed to us..... you used the same way you saved me to take them out.....but you had to pay for being that brave didn't you....when you saved Derek from that alpha....you jumped him ..stabbed him with your knife in the heart...he raked his claws down your back....but did you let up no....even when the other two alphas ran off.....you made sure everyone else was ok...even though you were bleeding....bad....it took over two hundred stitches and you getting a blood transfusion....what kind of idiot worries about everyone else when he's slowly bleeding to death..."

It was beautiful day....warm but not hot.... not a cloud in the sky... it should be dark...rain should be falling...thunder and lightening...it shouldn't look beautiful...not now.... he smiled when he looked back to the shadow and said," You know why I never scent marked you like the rest of the pack... you thought I didn't like you...I was to good to do it to you.....I-It was that I wasn't good enough... never once did you do anything but be good to me... and I...well I'm me.....I'm never good enough, Stiles...never" The tears really started flowing hard," My greatest fear is not being good enough and dying alone......I can't think of anything worse than that.....and to know that's what happened to you is killing me..... I mean you gave and gave....you never asked for anything.... I'm a selfish bastard... I only take....but not you...and what happens...you die alone....and you leave us ....all alone." Jackson shifted to his beta form....and he cried and howled out his hurt and anger... how long he sat there with the shadow and howled,  he doesn't know... it wasn't till he felt a hand on his shoulder that he stopped.