rants !!

rmh ; pt 1 of many

everyone is annoyed at me for texting them about you so much but i couldn't give less of a fuck as long as you still answer the phone. it started when you broke up with her and i was so desperate for you to love me that i took it as a sign of your affection when you made it a point to tell me. i thought maybe you were doing it on purpose to say "hey i'm available now." but you didn't show any other signs for a while after that. before english class i didn't understand why everyone was so infatuated with you and why you seemed to get all the slutty girls despite the now-adorable-in-my-eyes tooth gap that made your face look especially childish. but then it was the poetry slam and you stood up right in front of me and everyone else and spoke your truth so beautifully and i couldn't help but smile because it was my truth too. after that i was hooked. and i don't think i'll ever be let go. especially not when you still have those eyes. those eyes that sparkle even in the dark and make me do the stupidest and sappiest things constantly. everyone tells me i'm in love but i'm not sure and its killing me and the last thing i want to do is tell you and then what if you don't feel the same way because that would crush me and if i ended up not really not being in love with you as my feelings tell me then i would hope you would care enough to be upset and then that would crush me too because your eyes look dead and cold when you're upset. and also there's her. you dated her for a while and then claimed she was psycho and broke up with her. she still has all your old sweatshirts and it wouldn't bother me so much if i could stop imagining how they smell like you because i'm absolutely in love w the way you always smell like strawberries despite my burning hatred for them. honestly you're the best thing that has and will ever happen to me and i'm so fucking scared that you'll leave because i find myself to be the most annoying fucking person on the planet and i just can't stop praying that you don't feel the same. last night i texted you worried because currently everyone keeps telling me you like me a lot but it was 2 am and i was feeling insecure so i texted you to make sure because i couldn't stop my mind from doubting that i was the whole reason we weren't ever gonna work. you texted me back saying that you really really liked me and to not be insecure and reading that made me feel like the happiest and luckiest person alive. just another reason you're my absolute favoritest fucking person to ever walk the planet ; you actually gave a fuck when everyone else thought i was being an idiot ツ

so this wasn't really a sad rant or something frustrating that happened to me but i hope some of you enjoy//relate to this!! have a great day dolls, sorry for deleting tbitf. i decided i hated it w a burning passion, but thanks so so much for reading!!! love ya lots n lots -jads 💖💖