Fallen

Chapter 11: Happy to Helpless

Climbing the stairs, I relived my session, thinking about my feelings and thoughts. It was strange to be so relaxed after experiencing so much pain. What kept me going back was how well it worked for me. I couldn't think what else could work the same way. Definitely not regular therapy. I couldn't sit on a couch and talk for an hour. That wasn't my thing.
"Hey stranger."
I looked up quickly. At the top of the stairs, were two blue eyes, a familiar smile and arms waiting.
"Jared? When did you get back?" I ran up, dropped my bag and hugged him.
"About fifteen minutes ago." His arms pulled me tight.
"Let me look at you." I stepped back. "They cut your hair."
"I know. It wasn't all fun in the sun, crawling around in the grass." He pushed a hand through his shorter hair.
"Are you tired? It must have been a long flight."
"I'm okay. Wouldn't happen to have any famous leftovers?" He smiled hopeful.
"Come on. Remember who you're talking to." I picked up my bag, grabbed his arm and went to my apartment.
After we'd eaten the sandwiches, vegetable salad and chocolate cookies, we sat on the sofa. Jared told me everything he's been doing, off and on the movie set. It had been a war movie with a huge cast. Some nights, the younger guys would go into town for drinks, food and whatever fun they could find. Some even hooked up with some local women. That didn't surprise me. Young men, alone in the south seas, remote location. They'd get antsy.
"So did you find someone special?" I teased with a laugh, sitting with my feet underneath me.
"Nah. I had lots to keep me busy." He shook his head.
"Yeah right. A cute fella like you. The women were climbing each other to get to you."
"I didn't go into town that often. Just when I had more than a day off. I spent lots of time writing down ideas, some songs."
"I hope that you got to see more that just that little piece of where you were. I'd be going all over, exploring."
"It was fun. I was just surprised at how much I missed home. Shannon's still getting settled and I missed our talks."
"Well you're home now so we can talk as much as you want." I smiled to reassure him.
Moving over a little bit, Jared reached over and placed his hand on my shoulder. His fingers moving over my clean skin.
"I missed you." He was quiet, his eyes calm.
"I missed you too." It was the truth.
"I thought about you everyday. I wondered what you were doing."
"Ive been keeping busy."
"I can't hold back any longer. It's in my every thought." His posture changed.
"Jared. What...?" I didn't finish.
Quicker than I was ready for, Jared covered my mouth with his. The kiss was determined, something built up. His hands held my neck as he got deeper, his tongue darting between my lips.
"Jared, wait." I took a breath.
He took hold of my breast with his left hand, thumb moving over the cloth covered nipple.
"I can't wait. Everyday I would see you and it kept building, then I went away. I knew how much I needed you, need you."
I should t let it happen, not with what was between me and Shannon but Jared had my dress off and was covering me with his lips and tongue. My senses took over and I wrapped my hand through his hair. Hands squeezed my breasts and his tongue covered the hard nipples. Good lord he had a talented mouth. He kept moving down my stomach, hands grabbing, lifting and separating my thighs. Diving into my pussy, Jared thrust his tongue deep inside. My body arched backward as I fell against the side of the sofa. He kept pushing forward like he couldn't get deep enough.
"You've got to... Oh god!" I couldn't hold a straight thought.
Within second his shirt and jeans were on the floor and he was covering my body. The warmth of his skin brought goosebumps over me. His right hand went between us, positioning himself and pushed.
"Jared!" I moaned.
"Oh yes." He drew out.
His thrusts were slow at first, getting more desperate as high pitched noises escaped my mouth. Our hips met over and over. Jared's mouth moving all across my neck, shoulders and breasts. When the orgasm finally happened, I immediately felt guilty. Placing a hand on my cheek, Jared looked into my eyes.
"What is it?" He asked.
"I don't want to lose our friendship." I felt tears rise.
"You won't. I promise. It'll get better."
"There are things that you don't know. I have problems and this is one of them."
"What do you mean?"
"I used to use sex as a way to hurt myself. I'd find anyone willing to use me however they wanted to, and they'd just go away. Jared I don't want you to do that."
"I won't. I'll always be here."
"But I can't do this. It's just too much for me."
"I understand. I'll let you decide how we should go from here." He was so calm.
I knew that I'd have to tell Shannon the same thing. I wouldn't be with one and not the other. It would cause them to fight. I wouldn't be the reason for them to hate each other. I also might have to leave for awhile, to get myself together. What would I do? I truly cared for these two men. I couldn't hurt them. It would kill me. Jared carefully moved from my body, fixed his then my clothes and sat back.
"Why would you do that to yourself?" He was my concerned friend again.
I sat up, grabbed a sofa cushion and held it to my chest.
"Poor little rich girl. Parents didn't have time to think about me. I figured if I came home with bruises and marks, that they'd have to notice. I only hurt myself that much more. Somehow it was my grandmother that found out and told them to take care of it. That lead me to where I'd am now."
"I'm so sorry, you have my word that I won't do this to you again. Unless you say so." He reached over to rub my shoulder.
Those blue eyes had so much emotion behind them. I wanted to look in them and know things would turn out alright.
"You're a good man Jared." I slid over and hugged him.
"I try to be." He held me tenderly.
"And it was nice." I confessed.
"Okay. Good. I'll go. See you later."
"Alright." I moved back.
He stood up, walked to the door, paused to look back, then left. Now I had a problem. How could I fix this? I needed to figure it out and I could t use my pain therapy for it. I was going to have to talk to someone. The first person that I thought of would be the hardest to see. Did I let Shannon know before or after I left? I wanted to have faith that their close relationship would survive.