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i honestly don't know how long i can hold on to jack especially after that phone call, he hurt my feelings way more than he did when i went back to his house that night. its been a few weeks and i haven't spoke to him or my mom, she's on a little vacation of her own. she added some more money to my account and went to rio. as for me and matthew we've gotten pretty close, he's even let me see pictures of his last girlfriend, she was a pretty girl and actually looked like me in a way.
august 30th my last day
today is my last letter, and i am currently at the airport. i fell like my journeys with jack are officially over, but the pain in my chest will never fully go away. he was my first real love, i wanted him to know that but it was stopped prematurely. i hoped maybe he would come around and just call me but he never did, i thought maybe i was being childish and eventually i called him but he declined all my calls. matthew has been keeping me up and telling me i shouldn't be so hung up on jack and eventually it started to work, and i'm happy it is starting to work. he has taken me out so many times, and has done things jack has never done. he is slowly filling the void in my heart and replacing bad memories with good ones. he has been so caring and i personally don't know why he even wants to stay with me. a few days ago, he just moved into my hotel room and helps pay off some exspenses. i couldn't thank him enough, i don't know what would've happened. i honestly think i would still be crying and sobbing over this boy. he is the sweetest person i have really ever met. sometimes i feel like i should leave him alone because i feel like i'll hurt him too, and i honestly like him. i do.
"matthew i just wanna say thank you, you've really been so good to me and have made this trip away so wonderful. you've showed me that, everything is okay and that i don't have to be so hung up over this. and i am glad you showed me this isn't gonna define the rest of my life and i jst wanted to say thank you" i said smiling at him.
"whether you know it or not, you've helped me so much too remy, you made me see that this isn't it. you reminded me of the good times in life and how much i have to live for, so thank you" he said giving me a hug.
it was a long hug, a long meaningful hug. one i didn't want to end, i really didn't.
i started to cry silently into his shoulder, this was my last day with him.
"i am going to miss you so much matthew" i cried, " i'm gonna miss you to remy" he smiled against my cheek.
"why can't you just come with me?" i cried, "remy, i have to go back to my family and you need to go home too" he said as we still hugged. "you as a person are so beautiful and your personality is golden, you need to share it. i've had my share remy" he explained.
"matthew i don't know what i'll do without you" i cried again.
"you'll live," he paused "you'll live"
"this is something i say all the time and i want you to know it" he started "live simply, so others can simply live. keep being yourself remy. live how you wanna, be who you want, with out me. i know you can" he said finally breaking the hug.
"i can't let you go, i'll miss you too much" i cried. he took my face into his hands and held it.
"i love you remy, i really do but i know no good will come of us. you love me simply because i remind you of jack, or because i made you feel good in your time of need. i love you because you helped me get over my girlfriend but also because you resemble her and because you are so alike. same with me, we came from similar backgrounds and it made you feel at home but my heart isn't a home for your heart, find someone who you know for sure, is the one not me" he explained. it was all true, he made me feel good, he treated me the way i wanted jack to, he was so similar.
"i'll miss you" i said to him, my face still in his hands
"i'll miss you too" he said, he leaned in closely and matched my lips to his. it was a much needed kiss.
"our time will be in a different life" he smiled rubbing my cheek with his thumb.
"goodbye matt" i said
"goodbye remy"
i hugged him one last time before walking to my terminal to board the plane.
"goodbye matthew" i said to myself as i boarded the plane
after all i got all that i came for, i got my closure and i found my happiness again.
i am truly thankful matthew came into my life.
but now i must go home, and find myself again i don't know if i'll talk to jack or even consider it but i know it'll be different everything will.
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ok im sorry i fucking hate the song roll em up by alli simpson what the fuck is that
is she saying who wears short shorts roll em up wtf isn't that a kid song
who wears short shorts? i wear short shorts!
i love them and she is such a pretty girl but i don't like that song im sorry
lol don't hate me
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F U C K G I R L; J.G
Fanfictioni enjoyed toying with boys making them feel what was once done to me, making them see how life on the other side was. but there was a bump in the road, he took my heart without knowing but we both had bad intentions. he was a fuckboy and i was a fuc...
