Dirty Little Secret

Jiyong

It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad.

I never thought I would experience a pain like this.

I had allowed myself to fall in love with a woman only to experience my first heartbreak.

I was pathetic for falling so deep. Why did I fall for her? Why did I fall so fast and so deep in love with a woman that didn't feel the same way?

My dull eyes stared up at my ceiling at I lied awake in my bed. It had been a rough two weeks and my room was in a mess.

Dirty clothes piled up on the floor. Scattered beer bottles littered the room.

It was a far cry from how my room use to be. It was so clean before. I couldn't even stand a speck of dirt in it.

These past two weeks had completely changed that. My life was a mess. I didn't care.

After Chaerin's rejection, I left the hotel room in a daze. My tears had long dried and I couldn't believe she had been so cold to me.

I could have sworn that we had grown closer over the months. I thought... I thought that maybe she would feel the same way I did. Maybe she was feeling the butterflies in her stomach like I was.

This was all so new to me. I had tried so hard not to fall for her.

I had failed. What started out as a relationship with no strings attached became something more to me.

I just couldn't stop myself from falling for her. Everything about her entrapped me.

Her curvy body haunted my dreams. From her smooth, silky thighs to the kissable moles that dotted her body, she had me hypnotized.

I couldn't get enough.

Her smile lit up my life. Just thinking about her was enough to get me through my day.

I fell for her and there was nothing I could do. I knew I had to tell her.

That's why after weeks of debating, I told her that night.

I decided I was stupid after that. I should have never told her. I should have kept these feelings to myself.

If I had done that, would we still have what we had? Would I still be able to meet up with her?

Probably not. I knew that even if I hadn't confessed that night, I would have eventually done it some other night.

It had been eating me up and I needed to get it out.