Dirty Little Secret

Jiyong

      I started out with a pretty good life growing up. I had loving parents and a loving older sister. I was well taken care of.  

        I made good grades. I did what my parents asked of me. I was a good kid. 

        One thing would change it all. One thing would change my life. 

        My sixteenth birthday, it was suppose to be a happy day. Instead it was the day my parents died. 

        They were on their way home when a drunk driver hit their car. 

        I can still remember they day they died. It haunts my memories, my sleep.  

        My older sister, Dami and I were waiting for my parents to come home that night. We were all going out to eat as a family for my birthday. That weekend I would have my party with my friends, but the actual day of my birthday was time to spend with the family.  

        When my sister got the call and I saw the look of horror on her face, I knew something had happened. She hung the phone up and turned to me, crying.  

        She didn't have to say anything for me to know. All she had to do was pull me in her arms and I felt the tears at the corner of my eyes.  

        The funeral was that weekend. The day that my party would have taken place. I stood with my sister as we watched our parents' coffins being lowered in the ground.  

        Dami cried next to me, but my face was blank. I had to appear strong for my Noona.  

        The next few weeks were a blur. We moved from our house to live with a relative near by. 

        Noona went to work. I knew she wasn't dealing with the death of our parents too well and neither was I.  

        I... well I was blaming myself. I believed it was my fault. If I hadn't had called them earlier telling them to rush home, then maybe... just maybe they would still be alive.   

        Maybe they would still be here with us. 

        As Dami went to work, I went back to school. 

        I hated it. I hated seeing the pitiful stares sent my way. I hated hearing the whispers in the halls as students would look at me. I hated all of it. 

        Maybe that's what drove me to the edge. I could no longer concentrate at school. My grades were slipping. I didn't care. 

        Dami worried about me, but I told her I would be alright. I would pull through it. 

        I lied.  

        I didn't pull through. I dropped out after I turned seventeen. I just couldn't take it no more.