Senior Year

Edge of 17

I have to say that turning eighteen in four months has its pros and cons.
Pros
1. Your freak'in 18
Con
1. Your freak'in 18
Pro
2. You have a say in your own life
Con
2. Your parents are telling you,
that you have to pay rent
Pro
3. You can vote
Con
4. No money = no issurance = no car
Pro
5. You can do anything
Con
5. Your parents are still using the "you live in my house . my rules"
Let's face it, you just want to go back to the ten year old you and tell them, to not grow up so fast. I know as a ten year old I wouldn't have listened.Even to myself. I wanted to have control of what I do and how I wanted to live. I hated being that ten year old, who was stuck cause of their parents. My father never really let me out of the house, and I hated that. And believe me I showed it. I never liked the idea "what your parents say must go" .I respect my parents, just not their parenting skills. They have me under a tight lesh and my sibling are allowed to basically do what they want. I hate that. When my brother breaks the sliding glass door with the beby gun (which he was not allowed to use in the first place). My dad didn't tell at him or even ground him. He even let him go out to a frends out the next day. But when I ask to go to a friend's house
" did you take the trash out yet?"
No. I think. My slience answers for me.
"Then no" he says. And ignores me the rest of the evening. I always say that my dad does not like me. He treats me like I'm someone he has to put up with. I always dream of when my dad would teach me how to drive, like they are suppose to. But he doesn't want to. I always push but he response with
"No"
But he's okay with my 16 year old brother and even let's my ten year old sister drive his tractor. But me, No.
Now that I'm turning 18, he listing all the things I have to do and pay Now that I will be "renting". He won't even pay my cell phone bill. At least I bought my own phone. I do have a job, they don't understand that I work at least 2 times a month. I have no car. I'm saving up for school(cause they aren't paying for school) and I'm not even out of high school. In fact my first day of school was just last week.
I'm disappointed, but why shouldn't I be? You know how dad is....
Its senior sunrise this friday, and my friends want to get together the night before so we can stay up till morning. I asked my dad if I could do that.
"No" he says.
Disappointed. He won't even let me enjoy a night out with my friends. I want to say
"But I'm almost 18"
But I know how this will end.

    I'm a believer in that it's healthy to write down what's stressing you out. In a diary or a letter to someone. I have had diaries since I could remember, but they never carried much. Elementary type of entries "school was fun. I ate Pizza."
The one place I ever let out my frustrations was to my best friend. Jess. There use to be times where I would just look at him and I would burst out crying , he would come over and hug me tight until I stopped crying.  He would read my long add messages about anything. And I would listen to him.  I don't know why but I always felt like I could tell him anything. He had these eyes, that if you just stared in them. You could feel yourself fall apart. No matter how hard you tried to hide your emotions., Even if I didn't want to, there was this need to tell him. Now of course he wasn't always my friend. But that was middle school times, not now. Now he's not even my friend, not even in the same state. He hates me. But says he doesn't. There is no other explanation to why he stopped talking to me. Besides maybe his girlfriend. But there is still the yern to talk to my best friend. He was always like new air in my lunges. And I know I'm sufficating. He doesn't understand that. He doesn't care. And then I start to feel like an idoit. Cause the one person I want to talk to, doesn't. I trusted him as a best friend , and failed me. But it's me stuck alone. I don't feel so open to other people. Its not cause I choose not to be. But Jess , I guess didn't care.  So it was okay to be that open with him. I hate him now. I don't know who he is anymore, to leave me behind like he did.
I'm not in love with him, I don't need him. I just miss my best friend. But I  feel healthier to live without him.