Talking To The Moon {Book #3 Justin & Blake Series}

Barefoot

Blake’s POV

Hazel held me for a while, just hugging me and letting me cry into her shoulder. Chase joined us, saying Jayden and Lily were watching TV in the basement.

I explained everything I could, but I’m sure I left things out. I just couldn’t get the words to come out. No matter how many times my life has fallen apart, like when I cheated on Justin, or when my company was taken away from me, or when Naomi and I were kidnapped, I have always broken down. You’d think I could get used to it and learn how to not cry so much.

But this just hit too close to home. I always knew Justin loved me, even when he said hurtful things. But I didn’t understand how someone who was supposed to love me could keep my dying sister from me, no matter how much I hated her.

“Blake, do you think you’re going to get a divorce?” Chase asked carefully as he rubbed my back.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. All I know is that I can’t live with him anymore. Or in that house.” I said through my tears. The thought only caused my heart to hurt more.

“Why are you going to move out? Can’t you work through this?” Hazel asked, rubbing hair out of my face.

“I thought we could, or I could. But he kept my dying sister away from me. How am I supposed to forgive him for that?” I asked, mumbling the last part to myself.

“Maybe he has a reason?” Chase said, hoping to explain Justin’s actions, at least a little bit.

“I don’t think there is a reason big enough to get him out of this one.” Hazel replied, looking at Chase with sad eyes.

“I’m going to have to move. But I have no money, other than Justin’s. I can’t use his money!” I said, frantically looking between Hazel and Chase.

“We could help you out with some money, if that’s really what you want to do.” Chase said, clasping my hand and giving me a friendly smile.

“No, I couldn’t ask that of you guys. You two have already given me so much. But what about Diane? Or Jayden. Shit, what am I going to tell Jayden?” I asked frantically.

“Whoa, Blake. One thing at a time. With Diane, you’ll have to decide if you want to try to mend things. If your marriage is really headed for a divorce, maybe she could be of assistance. And Jayden, well I think you should be honest with him.” Hazel replied.

“Maybe you shouldn’t tell him exactly what happened, but he should know that you and Justin are going through some really tough things.” Chase suggested. I nodded my head, showing my agreement. It would be hard, but I needed to be honest with my son. He deserved that, at least from one of his parents.

“Blake, I’m so sorry. Bad things happen to good people all the time and I just don’t get it.” Hazel replied, wiping her own tears off her cheeks.

“Yeah, it sucks.” I replied before another wave of despair wretched through my body.

***

An hour later, I was leaving Chase and Hazel’s with the promise to shower, change clothes, and then return to talk more about what was happening and what I was going to do for the future.

I slowly walked through the yard to the house. I noticed Justin’s car was not in the driveway and it made me less tense. That meant I wouldn’t have to deal with him, at least not right now. I don’t even think I could if he was home.

I opened the front door and stepped inside, taking my shoes off and placing them at the front door. I sluggishly started walking towards the staircase when a piece of paper stopped me in my tracks.

Sitting on the foyer table was a lined piece of paper with messy handwriting. I walked over to it and picked up the paper to read the writing.

Dear Blake,

If you’re reading this, it means you just got home. I hope that you have had enough time to calm down. I should start out by apologizing for letting our fight escalate so much. I should have been able to keep calm and explain things better. Although I feel that you have a better understanding of what happened, I am ashamed that I made you run off upset with me.

One thing we didn’t talk about that has bothered me for a while is the fact that I told you I didn’t love you.

I have never, in my entire life on this earth, said anything more false.

There is nothing I can say to make you forgive me, no excuse for my actions. And even if you did find it in your heart to one day forgive my lies, I will never forgive myself, for what I told you, for keeping your sister from you, for neglecting Jayden, and for betraying your trust in me.

In my twisted world, I thought I was protecting you. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing for you and our family. I thought you thinking I was cheating was worse than you knowing about your dying sister. I realize now that I was horribly wrong.

Never. I can never forgive myself for what I have done to you and our family.

And because of that, I’m leaving. I don’t expect you to understand my decision or respect it. I don’t even expect you to acknowledge my absence, because really, I’ve been gone for so long already.

And you don’t have to tell me that this is the easy way out. I know that. I know that I am weak and running away from the issues. But like I said: I can never forgive myself for what I have done and the only way you can live is without me in your life. I can’t even be an adequate father to Jayden; he deserves so much more than I can give him.

Please, don’t spend time being upset about this. I’ll be around, just not there anymore.

I love you. But I don’t deserve you, Blake.

The paper fell from my hands to the floor as I slowly backed away, out the door, and back to Chase and Hazel’s house.

Barefoot.