My curse

Sky

''You mean to tell me that man right there, thought that about me?'' I ask facing Nathan with a hand on my hip. He is currently helping me organize my groceries in my fridge. ''Do you want me to repeat the whole thing for you, again?'' He asks with a teasing smile. I nod and lean against the counter with my arms folded. He closes the fridge and mimics my stance on the counter facing me. "He introduced himself to me and then shook my hand. Right when our hands touched, I had access to his thoughts. My potentia was triggered as you know. And the first thing he thought of is how the color of your top compliments your skin nicely. Then he had a wave of dislike towards me. When I introduced myself to him and said that I was your friend he was relieved I wasn't something more.'' Nathan tells me the story for the second time and I can't stand his triumphant smile.

''But it doesn't make any sense.'' I refuse to accept what he said. There is no way Elijah would be relieved Nathan is only a friend. It can't be jealousy. I gathered there was a mutual attraction between the two of us but I know it's purely lust. "You don't believe me.'' Nathan states with a hint of disappointment in his voice. His gaze drops to the floor and I feel bad. I take a few steps and stand in front of him. ''Look at me, Nathan.'' He finds my eyes and I can see a hint of vulnerability in them. A certain shyness. ''I trust you more than it is advisable for a first meeting with someone. I feel like we've known each other for an eternity. Maybe it could be because I have no previous friendships to compare ours with but I trust my guts and they are telling me to trust you. It's not that I don't believe what you said. It's just that it is truly hard to imagine Elijah thinking that about me.'' My voice is soft like my eyes on his.

''Why is it hard for you to believe a man is attracted to you? That a man is jealous of another one because he gets to be in your presence?'' He asks, curiosity lacing his words. ''It's not that... it's just that I ...'' I try to find an answer, to come up with an explanation to his questions but I fail. My words die on my tongue and I lower my head defeated. But really why can't I believe it?

''You have been hiding yourself for years now. You have become invisible and that worked for you. But now that someone noticed you, truly noticed you, you think it's not possible because you crafted the art of hiding so well. But he found you, Elijah saw you, and liked what he saw. You can't let this curse keep you from living life how you want to. You are allowed to live Sky.'' Nathan explains to me, his voice quiet and I feel the tears form in my eyes. ''I refuse to cry twice in front of you in one day, so you better stop.'' I tease him fighting my tears. He smiles and his whole face glows up. ''Let's finish organizing the groceries.'' He announces moving towards the fridge but my hand on his stops him. ''Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to feel seen and giving me the hope I lost all these years.'' He squeezes my hand with a warm smile on his face.

It's been a few hours since Nathan left, I did my night routine and now I am sitting in my desk. I found a way to deal with my loneliness a few years ago. A coping mechanism to keep my sanity. Whenever I feel the need to talk about how my day went to someone, I take out a piece of paper and write everything and then burn it. I don't keep a diary, I tried but I wasn't consistent and I couldn't live with the idea that I kept a record of all the dark thoughts that crossed my mind. When I burn the paper I feel satisfaction, as if I get it out of my system and life. I always write in the form of a letter that I address to my mom.

Dear Mom,

Today I missed you more than any other. I wanted to tell you about a certain blond guy I met. He is nothing like the one I told you about yesterday. He is tall but not intimidating, he has blond hair and not raven, his eyes are as blue as the sky, he has freckles like the ones you used to cover on your face. He sees me, mom. He sees what I've been afraid to show the world. When I am around him, I feel safe. My heart is not beating hard when our eyes meet, but it feels whole. I don't get goosebumps when he is close to me but I feel warm. The things he said to me mom, are what I've been craving to hear all this time. I have a friend, mom. For the first time in my life, I have a friend. He is like me. He also has a curse but I don't think he sees it as one, like I see mine. When he touches people's hands, he can see what they think of. It's called potentia. Our curses. Maybe they are our superpowers. Right now, I don't really know. When my hand touched his, nothing happened. I didn't get a vision. He says touching our kind is not supposed to trigger it. There are many others like me mom. Can you believe it? I am not an anomaly, there are other people like me out there. See, I wasn't lying to you. I wasn't playing a prank on you. It's real. I am not a freak.

His name is Nathan. If you had the chance to meet him, I am sure you would have loved him. He thinks Elijah likes me. He read his mind when he shook his hand. I trust him mom. I have a friend now. I am slowly getting what my curse took from me. I wish you were here to see me be happy again. I wish you could see how big my smile is as I am writing this letter to you.

Your Sky

I end the letter and fold it. I leave my room in search for a lighter to burn it. As I hold the letter to the flame, I hesitate to burn it. I couldn't burn yesterday's too. It's laying in a box in my closet. Since I first met Elijah and wrote bout him to my mom, I could no longer burn the letters it seems. Before him and Nathan, my letters were boring and filled with complaining. I complained about how this life I am living is no different than death. I complained about how good I am at hiding. I complained about how no one noticed me when that is exactly what I really want. I complained about the cramps, the dull movies I seem to keep on wasting my time on, how loud my previous neighbor was, how hot the summer is... Now for the first time, I have something going on for me. For the first time my thoughts are not dark or boring and I want to keep a record of them. I want to keep a record of what happened.

As I am looking at the letter in my hand, and lighter with the flame alight in my other I decide I will no longer burn my letters. I decide it's worth to keep my life in papers after all. Even if my relationship with my mom wasn't the best, a daughter needs her mom. I will always need a mother figure even if that so called mother called me a freak. Even after all those years the words seem inked in my skin.