Catch Me When I Fall [BxB]

Should Have, Could Have, Would Have

***Hazel's POV***

"It seemed hopeful for a moment there, eh? You mentioned he was having weird connections and dreams where a wolf was talking to him? And what, they just stopped suddenly?" Jatix asks me.

"Yeah. Either that, or he started keeping them from me and is just pretending everything is fine. But he's usually not very good at hiding things, so I doubt it." I say.

"His appetite remains, however." Rassler puts in.

"Yes, but he's always had that. It's like the only trace that he's a werewolf." I explain. "If he even is... still not sure what could possibly be going on with him. I mean, in those spicy werewolf fictions there's always the weak werewolf who doesn't have a wolf and they get bullied for it and their strangely mated to the alpha, but he alpha rejects them only for another werewolf alpha to come along and be their second chance mate... but that's not the real world."

Rassler and Jatix give me questioning glances.

"What? They're actually kinda fun to read. It's interesting to see what people who don't even know or think we exist imagine what we would be like."

Rassler and Jatix exchange glances before looking back to me.

"Okay, I know we're talking about Khai right now... and also don't judge me until you've read a few yourself. They're quite enjoyable. And usually smutty."

"Uh... I'll take your word for it, but we are in fact deviating from our matter at hand." Jatix intervenes.

"Yes... I'm sorry. Whether or not Khai ever shifts, I do want him to at least know I'm a werewolf and let him into my world. So either way, I'll tell him. It's just really, really hard to do so. But it's one of the main reasons I moved back here. I want to let him into my world. I was hoping the natural magic in this land would possibly awaken his wolf. And it seemed to be working, until suddenly nothing. So now I'm just lost and so confused, and it bothers me that I won't be able to answer any of his questions. I hate to leave him with no answers. But I guess it's better than not telling him at all."

Rassler and Jatix both nod.

"We know it's hard for you, Hazel." Jatix sympathizes.

"Yeah... but especially because he's neurodivergent and all... he doesn't deal well with change and this will overwhelm him so badly... god, I wish I wasn't so stupid when I was younger. I wish I let him know sooner so it wouldn't be such a big adjustment... or so unbelievable for him." I pause, hiding my face in my hands momentarily, filled with regret. "It started out good. But I wish that when I realized it wasn't gonna happen, I continued to do what I was doing... we used to practice howling together, we'd say goodnight to the moon... of course, he was too young to remember any of that. But I wish I didn't stop there."

"Wishing to change the past won't fix anything, Hazel. It won't give you another chance." Jatix says.

"I know."

"But telling him now would be a start." Rassler adds.

"It would be... but once he knows I can't go back. Our relationship will never be the same. And what if he stops loving me? Or wants nothing to do with me? That boy is my world, I don't think I could-" I cut myself off, lost and hardly even able to fathom not having a good relationship with him anymore. "I don't know how I'd cope with that." I add.

Rassler rubs my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

"I don't think Khai will ever stop loving you. Yes, he's grown to be close to people other than you, but that's a good thing. And just think about the other night. When you told him more of your past. Sure, he was disappointed, it's only natural. But he's also very forgiving and empathetic and it may take him a while to process and get over it, but I don't think he'd cut you off." Rassler says.