My journal falls off my bed, as I cry in nothing but silence. The tears fall into the crease of my knees. I hysterically sob, no one is home. They can't hear me. They can't hear my desperate cry for help.
There's nothing I can do. There's no one who can help me. The monster inside of me devours me into complete darkness. I curl up in fetal position and continue to sob as negative words race through my head.
"Fat"
"Worthless"
"Ugly"
The words torment me until I can no longer take it. I dig my nails into my skin, and feel relief as the blood drips down my arm. There's no emotion coursing through me other than contentment. Yes, it seems strange to one who doesn't have to face what I do. But, it helps. In the moment, it helps.
A steady stream of tears continue to flow down my cheeks and disappear into the strands of my brown locks of hair. The monster has won yet again. It has defeated me in my own game. Defeated me to the point, where I no longer wish to live.
I'm trapped in my own mind. There's a constant war going on in my head. I reach for my journal on the floor near my cat, Tinker. She looks up into my eyes, and knew something was wrong. She nudged my hand with her head, and meowed. I had no time for this.
I grab my journal and a pen and begin to write:
Don't forget this, my pain is real,
I'm not lying, this is how I feel.
You sit there saying, it can't be true,
it is for me, just not for you.
You say my heart, must be a sight,
cold as ice, and black as night.
It's not my heart, only my soul,
but killing me, must be your goal.
You're getting close, I hope you know,
you really don't, have far to go.
Soon enough, I'll reach my end,
you'll have my soul, to tear and rend.
But you don't know, you never ask,
you never look, beyond the mask.
The look on my face, is giving me away,
I wonder now, what you will say?
----
The monster inside me has won.
YOU ARE READING
The Reason I Hold On (Shawn Mendes Fanfiction)
FanfictionAs tears run down her face, she realized she's made a mistake. An utter suffocation, she's trying to hold on. But the pain, the pain's to strong. The bloods running down her wrist Her eyes are going shut but she's trying to hold on while voices...
