There's a cold dark corner
in the back of my room,
it speaks to me
and says I'm coming for you.
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position,
my eyes are closed
hoping and wishing.
Maybe that one day
my dreams will come true,
that I don't have to be here
so down and blue.
The corner keeps talking
about how I'm going to die,
all I can do
is lie there and cry.
As the corner gets closer
and takes me in,
my soul starts to burn
as so does my skin.
My bones shall lie there
turning to dust,
my bed surrounding
nothing but rust.
I continued to write, in the darkness of my room. Feeling emptier than ever before. I felt like the insides of a tree, hallow. I feel my body start to shut down, feeling a familiar numbness. A panic attack, just a panic attack.
Closing in all around me, a fear I can't describe. All shaky and confused, I think I'm going to die. I sit curled up in a ball, and cry. My head hurts, and crying about it only makes it worse. But what can I do? When nothing else seems to help, crying is my only escape.
I see flashes of white lights, as the room suddenly turns dark. I cover my ears as I hear the voices in my head battling.
"Fat"
"Slut"
"Kill yourself."
"Go drink bleach and die"
The words course through my brain faster than I can comprehend. Soon, the sunlight shines in my room again. And the voices stop. I recover from my anxiety attack quickly, as I hear my parents coming upstairs. I wipe my tears and hide my journal under my pillow.
"Rion? Honey?" I hear my mother's soft angelic voice at my door, she knocks. I don't respond, knowing she'll come in anyway.
"Hi mom." I force a smile onto my face with great difficulty.
"Hey sweet heart," She smiles back. "How are you?"
Awful. "Great, mom."
"That's good hun." She smiled and smooths my hair down. I hear the pain in her voice from Nick leaving. I hug my mother and she immediately started crying. I pat her back reassuringly.
"He left, because of his student loans. He wants to become famous, so we should be happy for him." She sobs. I think of all the times my brother has hit me, has sat on my face with a pillow. I think of the rude things he's called me in the past. Regardless, I love him. Nothing will change that.
I rub my mother's back once more, and she pulls away. She wipes her tears and kisses my cheek. "I have to go to work now, sweetie."
"Bye, Mom." I sigh as she leaves my room. Another person fooled by my mask. My mask of lies.
YOU ARE READING
The Reason I Hold On (Shawn Mendes Fanfiction)
FanficAs tears run down her face, she realized she's made a mistake. An utter suffocation, she's trying to hold on. But the pain, the pain's to strong. The bloods running down her wrist Her eyes are going shut but she's trying to hold on while voices...
