On a plane with Ian Somerhalder (#2 ; With Ian Somerhalder)

12. Tensions and Turmoil

The morning sky escaped through the curtains and woke me from my sleep. Unconsciously, I moved around my bed in search of the comfortable warmth I needed so desperately.
Isabelle.

I sat up with a jolt as memories of last night appeared in a flash. Isabelle and I eating a dinner and sharing no words, her and I getting into the same bed without as much as a glance at each other.
My internal conflicts had seemingly put a strain on her as much as it did for me. The last week had been tough for me, with the idea that I could've hurt Isabelle along with the task of trying to find and get rid of David. Everything piled up and I couldn't help but explode last night for the second time.
And yet again, Isabelle came to me with open arms and her warm understanding, but only this time I couldn't accept it.
I couldn't get over how disgusted I was with myself that my emotions now drove my actions. And in addition, my self loathing strained Isabelle and our night.
The hatred towards myself intensified.

Pulling on sweatpants, I immediately went in search for isabelle. When I couldnt hear any movement across the second floor, panic hit me. Externally I remained calm, however my heart began to race at the thought of her running and giving up on me.

Why would she deal with my mess when even I couldnt handle it?

Within seconds I could distinguish her beautiful voice from the sound and smell of her cooking. My heart fluttered as she came into view, the conformation that she hadn't left allowing me to slow my pace down and thank whoever was up there that she stayed.
Her perfectly curved hips swayed to the song that she sang, her bottom shaking along with the beat. My smile grew as I watched her use her spatula as a mic. She not so gracefully flipped the pancakes and moved around the kitchen with a wild smile on her face and her long hair swaying around her waist.

She was so god damn gorgeous, it killed me everytime I realized that she was mine.
And I had to do everything in my willpower to keep her mine.

Within seconds she turned around and our eyes met, the smile on her face slowly slipping. My grin fell as I watched the happiness slowly dim.
I never wanted to be the reason for her sadness.

"Good morning." I said, breaking the silence now that she had stopped singing.

She looked down at the spatula in her hand, looked up at me and back down to the object. I could physically see her mind turn, and I loved the face she made when she thought deeply.
Her eyebrows overturned slightly in a way that made her seem confused.

"I-Ian..." she whispered, "Are you... How are you?" her hesitance causing my heart to break.

Where was my loud and blunt Isabelle? The Isabelle who was born without a brain-to-mouth filter? The Isabelle I loved so much?

I walked towards her and watched her watch me with wide eyes as I opened my arms. A wide smile of relief displayed on her face as she walked the rest of the way and latched onto me the same way I did to her.

"I'm sorry about last night. I shouldnt have bothered you and shouldve gave you time to yourself. I know-" she muttered in a whirlwind of rapid and panicked words.

"No." I replied, that one word causing to pause her words.

Her face was still stuffed in the crook of my neck, and I felt her hot breath tickle my skin. I let my hands clutch her long hair, allowing her warmth and sweet smell to calm me down just a little bit urther.

"Isabelle, you are everything to me and the fact that you understand me just adds to how much I love you-" I felt her breath hitch and her hands clutch me tighter but I ignored her response and the fact that I blurted it out and continued. "I cant live with the fact that I feel so out of control of my actions, and I hate how I cant even be sure whether I can-"

"Shhhhhhh" it was isabelle's turn to stop me from talking. "You wouldnt hurt me. Firstly, I wouldnt let you. After david, I took a year of self defense and although its not much, Im pretty sure I can force you to your knees right now. And secondly, I trust you more than anyone in my life."

I exhaled all my doubts and clutched her harder, thanking everything and anything for having this woman.

"I love you. I love you. I am so in love with you and your compassion and your bravery. I'm in love with your smile and your understanding warmth. I've never met someone who could make me so happy, someone so equal and perfect in ways I can't even say. God damn it Isabelle, it frustrates me how much I love you because you're slowly taking over my world. Fuck."

I didn't know what happened.
Everything just came out and I knew none of it made sense and I may have just made something worse.

"I-I care for you more than anyone. Ian, you are everything to me to because you accept me the way I am." she chuckled to herself. "I wish it was easy for me to love, but it isn't. Falling in love takes so long, and this may sound really calculating, but I haven't reached that point yet. But what I feel for you just doesn't go with words."

Dissapointment settled into my gut but I nodded and accepted the fact that she didnt love me yet. It was understandable.
I fell too far too fast and she was the one in this relationship being careful. And I loved that too.

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Within the next few weeks, I continued to fall more in love with isabelle. She just brought so much light into my life, to the point where when she wasnt near me, depression kept me company. It was bordering on obsessive.
When she left, I counted the seconds until i could call her to ask her to come home. When I left, I kept my phone clutched awaiting her call.

I always anticipated seeing her, being with her. Everytime it was new, even when we were doing something ordinary like watching tv and eating dinner. Every comment she made had me laughing, every tear she dropped made me break inside.
Thats why I hated sad movies. Seeing isabelle break apart infront of me.... it wasnt something I could endure for long.

Everything was perfect until her....

She came into my life and barged in, ruining things with isabelle and I, just like she always did.
She was poison and She messed everything up.

________________________________

You guys know how sorry I am for putting this book aside.
I know I can't say anything that will make it better other than writing the next few chapters as amazing as I can.

You have no idea how grateful for the people who comment and stick by me even though I havent updated.
I really truly love you guys and Im writing the next 3 chapters for you.

Have an amazing rest of the day, wherever you are.
Live happy guys. Honestly. 

Love,
AnnabelleR