Alcohol ≫ Lashton AU

vijf

L U K E

Ever since Luke came from the hospital, things changed. A lot. Calum was worried all the time, which annoyed Luke a lot. Ashton was trying to be friends with Luke, which Luke avoided. And his mum was home more often. She was worried, but not too much though.

It was still too much for him. Yes, he was in shock from what had happened. He just wished he did more or cut deeper, so he wouldn't be here anymore, living in this shit.

"Luke?!" He was snapped out of his thoughts. It was Calum, looking super frustrated and worried at the same time. He was visiting Luke, dropping off some homework since Luke hasn't been to school for a while. He refused to go with stitches in his neck. Luke looked at him.

"I was talking to you. Why aren't you listening? You know, this has gone on far too long. I'm either taking you outside or I won't visit you anymore." He probably would visit again, Luke thought, he was just bluffing. Luke looked Calum dead in the eye and huffed in annoyance.

"You fucking try to go outside, with everyone staring at you like you are a fucking psychopath." Luke told his best friend, voice louder than usual.

Calum looked at him with disbelief. "Luke, you did this to yourself! These are the consequences. Besides, turtlenecks exist! I will even buy them, if it'll help you."

Luke rolled his eyes, but that was actually kinda smart. Why hasn't he thought of that? Probably because he was just looking for an excuse to not do anything. "Okay," he said.

"No Luke, I'm fo- wait, really?" Calum asked in surprise and Luke nodded at him. "Alright, well let's go."

-

"Do they also have turtlenecks that are more sweater like?" Luke asked, wondering because he didn't like to have tight shirts on. It shows off too much of his body for his liking.

"I don't know, man," Calum sighed. "But these look good right?" He held up a few shirts, in different colors. They were dark colors though, so Luke nodded and went to try them on.

However, he was right that they were really tight. You could see exactly what his arms looked like. But he could always wear a zipper hoodie over it, he thought.

So, he bought like 5. Well, Calum did. Luke felt kinda - not completely - guilty, but Calum insisted. Right now, he was wearing a hoodie and tied the strings of the hood, so that it's also sort of covering his neck. He was feeling really self concious, but he had to admit that it felt kinda nice to be outside again.

"L- Let's grab something to eat?" It was sort of a question, because Luke was really unsure if he even wanted it. But Calum looked really excited and so they went to Maccas and Luke finally had a huge fat burger, something he secretly had been craving for so long.

-

When Calum dropped Luke off, he finally smiled since a long time. Calum was proud of himself for achieving this with Luke. And Luke was feeling pretty good for the first time in forever.

But, as soon as he got home, his smile dropped. His mother was there, sitting on some random dude, obviously under the influence of some substance. He didn't like seeing his mother like that. She used to do this a lot but he thought it was over. But, she probably kept on doing this, only at other people's houses.

"Hi honey, did you have a good time with Cal?" His mum asked, while that man was kissing her neck. Luke send them a look of disgust, nodded and just went to his room, locking it.

He was finally feeling good, and of course it had to be ruined again. It would never last for Luke. So, he went to his cabinet and took out his own goods; cigarettes and alcohol. He went over to his window, opened it and took out a cigarette. He lightened it, taking a really long drag, inhaling deeply over his lungs, only to exhale it very slowly.

He did this a couple times, because when he does it like this, the nicotine kicks in harder. And he needs it to kick in harder, because when you smoke often you won't get dizzy anymore, but Luke needed the dizziness. It was the only thing he liked about it. Actually, he really liked the burning sensation in his throat and lungs too, but he could also get a burning throat from alcohol.

Speaking of, he grabbed his bottle of vodka and took, like, 5 huge gulps. He felt at his neck, feeling his stitches and got tears in his eyes. He was so devestated that he did this. On his neck. He doesn't mind it anywhere else, because the rest of his body is already ruined. And he can cover it up. But, his neck! Everyone could see.

Luke took his shirt off and started to look at himself in the mirror. He didn't like what he saw. He had abs yes, but it was from being to skinny. He just honestly didn't like food that much. Maybe he should start working out more. But, it's not like his body would ever get pretty, because it's already ruined way beyond repair.

And at the end of the night, Luke was totally wasted and he ended up smoking a whole package, because he didn't want to stop. He just wanted to feel something else.

This night was just another disaster.

-

Luke woke up the next morning, sadly. He was pretty hungover, but nothing some painkillers won't fix. He wasn't too nauseous, which was good because Luke actually wanted to start eating better. If he was going to work out, he had to eat better.

He stood up, directly walking to the bathroom to take a shower. He just needed a refresher. Kind of to wash off last night.

After he showered, he put on a black turtleneck, his zipper hoodie over it and put on some black skinny jeans. He just let his hair airdry, because he never really puts effort in his hair anyway. He just lets it hang there.

Luke opened the fridge, to see if there's something to eat what he likes, but there isn't. Literally, there's nothing. He sighed and just grabbed his stuff for school and already went. He would just buy something, he has some money because of his work, but he just has to give his mum some money, to take care of everything. Even though there isn't anything in the fucking fridge, he thought to himself. Fuck her.

So, he bought himself a sandwich with avocado and tuna, along with some cigarettes. He was 17, but he had a fake ID, and it looked too real, he even showed it to a cop once because they asked him, and he even bought it.

The whole school day was boring. He realised no one was staring at him though, probably because no one knows. This made him feel really relieved and he actually sort of payed attention to his classes.

He spotted Michael in his Maths class, he heard him bragging to some guys about this chick from last night. Michael spotted Luke too, looking at him only to look away again. Luke rolled his eyes and was surprised Michael hasn't even said anything about what happened to anyone.

At lunch, Luke felt no need to go see Calum. He just wanted to be alone. So, he walked outside and lit up another cigarette. He just needed to relax.

When he walked back inside again, because lunch was almost over, he spotted Ashton.

The boy he had been thinking about lately. Not too much, he just crossed his mind every now and then.

When they had eye contact, it honestly felt like time had stopped. Luke held his breath for a second and it felt like their stare was electric.

He hadn't felt this, ever before. He had to admit though, it felt kind of nice.

Nice to feel something else for once.

-

Ok this was kinda boring and short but whatever hope yall like it
also i didnt know how to end this aaaa bc i wanted to save the rest of the other chapter