Dave The Poop's P.O.V
I opened my eyes and all I could see was darkness, I could not recall anything about my past life. I still can't. Maybe I didn't have a past life? Maybe this is life. A brown mass floating in a puddle of liquid. It's smelly here too, it honestly not very pleasant. You would not want to be me. I cannot remember being born even, being created. All I can remember is waking up and smelling rotting sweetcorn and eggs, with the hint of bacon. I can't even remember my name. Whenever I try to remember though all I can see is strip of KFC Chicken. Just one uneaten strip. I've spent a while wondering if that was once me. I thought It cannot possibly be me though. How can a beautiful piece of KFC Chicken turn into a disgusting, stinky, sticky, brown wet blob. No that can't possibly be me. A splash was heard next to me and then a voice. "H-Hello?" Good, someone else perhaps they know what is happening to me. "Hello fellow friend! How are you?" A bright and cheery voice is sure to cheer them right up. . .I think. . ."Well what's it look like! I'm a piece of poo! OF COURSE IM NOT ALRIGHT!" Seems I was wrong about a cheery voice. What does he mean by poo anyway! I am nothing of the sort. Well actually it's too dark to see, maybe he's poo but I am not! "Right ok no need to yell my friend, it will be fine. Do you happen to know what I am?" I can sense him looking at me in this dark, flooded cave. I can feel his eyes literally burning through what ever I am. . .i'm joking he's just looking at me. "Your a piece of poo." Impossible there is no way I am poo. NO WAY! "You lie my friend, I cannot be a disgusting piece of poo like. . .like you! NEVER!"
"Wow now look who's shouting! This is going to cause a lot of rumbling on the outside you know." How does he know so much and I know so little! It's impossible! Wait how does he remember anything! I can't remember nothing! "Hey look here smarty pants how come you can remember all that and I can't remember nothing?"
"Well you must have lost your brain in the digestion."
"What? I doubt that!" Who 'loses' their brain I mean really come on. Hey wait a minute there's only meant to be one poo in here at a time, I remember that I'm sure! "Anyway, there's only meant to be one poop in here at a time, so how come your here?!?"
"The poor guys got constipation, his butts gunna hurt for sure when he poops out us." I could sense him looking me up and down now, "I mean look at you, your well fat!" Really? I'm fat? I didn't know I was fat! This is amazing! I remember that the highest achievement any poop can have is being fat, and I'm fat! I feel so proud! "Wait how can you possibly see me in such a dark cave?"
"Don't tell me you lost your eyes in the digestion as well!" My eyes? I thought it was just dark! Perhaps not then, I'm just blind. Wait but I could still see a bit earlier though. . ."I could see earlier though, how could I have seen earlier if I lost my eyes in digestion?"
"Must've fallen off then it's quite simple. There probably right below you actually you just gotta sink down." Sink down? I thought poo floated how on Earth am I meant to sink down? "How am I meant to sink down exactly?"
"It's quite simple really all you gotta do is grab a few pieces of sweetcorn to weigh you down and then remove a few to get back up. Your find that the water is rather dirty though." The other poo was right, I reached my eyes in no time and even managed to pick up half of my brain while I was down there. Removing the pieces of sweetcorn was not easy however, I still have a few decorating my brown body. "Thanks. . .what is your name, you never said?"
"My name is Rupert, what's yours I mean you never told me your name either." I was about to tell him when I could hear the sound of rushing water. A whole load of brown liquid came rushing down into the dimly lit pool me and Rupert was in. "My names, Dave. . ."
"Looks like he not only has constipation, but he also has Diarrhoea, poor guy." Wait so now we was swimming in poo. We are poo in poo. Great, how fun. I can't believe a beautiful chicken strip like me can be turned into something so utterly disgusting. I just can't believe it. It was then that a deep rumbling was heard. A wave of poo flavoured water washed over us as we traveled down a tube that was far to narrow for a fat poo like me. . .
* * *
Just before the end of the dark narrow tube, it got even narrower. Too narrow. I got stuck. It didn't help that Rupert and the Diarrhoea was behind me. I can feel the butt cheeks straining to push me out, but it's just not happening. I just won't go. I am too fat. I can feel Rupert push me but he's pushing too much and it's not long before he is a part of me. We merged into one giant poop. We where stretching the butt-hole to its limits. Then it broke. The butt-hole split in half and we went tumbling down into a toilet. A big splash hit us and we where submerged in clean water. However the water soon proceeded to turn a disgusting red colour. Then the Diarrhoea came. The Diarrhoea was keeping us from floating up. We where drowning. The last thing I could see was a pair of giant butt cheeks and a mass of white coming towards us.
💩 THE END 💩
(Swearing ->) Authors Note: I think it's safe to say that that is the shittiest story I have ever wrote :D
