Fuck Me.

Chapter One

--Trigger Warning!--

Mady's pov

I read the clock. 2am. Slice. Theres blood everywhere. I finally have what I want, death. I cry happily as my room slowly fades away. But as I fall into my death, Aunt Sherry rushes in. Calling 9-1-1 as she holds me. I can hear her screaming. Sobbing. Praying. I hope to God that I am dead before they arrive. I can feel my heartbeat slowing. I dont want to be alive anymore. No one will miss me anyways. Im better off dead.

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9am

Unfortunately, I wake up in a white hospital room with my aunt gripping my hand tightly. She jumps to her feet and hugs me tightly when she notices i am alive. Fuck. I am alive. Thats not what I wanted.

My phone buzzes. I reach for it. Its Donnie. My amazing girlfriend who I truly do not deserve. She would've been better off without me too. I read her text aloud, "youre so beautiful, baby. I love you." The usual morning text. I reply with an "I love you too."

I try to move so I can leave, only to be stopped by my doctor. Im greeted with a "where do you think youre going?" And I sarcastically respond "well good morning to you too, fuck face." Doctor Buchholz is a total ass. He gives me so many restrictions due to my anxiety. I cant even go to my girlfriends house without being escorted by someone.

"I want to see you three times a week instead of one." Dr. Buchholz explains. "WHAT?! Thats insane! Why?" I respond, angrily. "Madyson, you tried to kill yourself last night. You are clearly depressed." I mimic him with a squeal, and he gave me a deathly scowl, a side of him I had never seen before. He gave me a prescription for anti depressants and sent me home.

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I flopped down on my bed and called Donnie. Her phone rang once and a loud screech blasted through the phone. "BABE" I replied with a gentle "hi baby," and my voice cracked as my eyes filled with tears. She immediately said "ill be there in 5."

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12:01pm
"Baby what's wrong?"
"This is hard to tell you... so I just gonna say it. I attempted. . Again. Last night." I spoke softly. "You know that I couldnt live without you. Why?" She said as tears filled her eyes. "You deserve better. Everyone deserves better. And better means that there is no me." I told myself I wouldn't cry but the tears were already streaming down my face. "I love you. Nothing and nobody could ever replace you. You mean everything to me." She pulled my neck in and kissed me on the lips as our tears met. The tears of sadness slowly turned into tears of joy as I unhooked her bra. "What are you doing babe?" She said, excitedly. I replied with a low "im ready baby. Take me."