I Could Fall

Atticus' POV

"I'm Hyon, by the way." A smile beautifully painted on her lips that had me staring. She was beautiful, like a sweet angel. I felt my heartweirdly skipping a beat.

My gaze dropped to her hand that was extended towards my way. I was instantly reminded of how I almost drowned in a shallow pool and how painfully embarrassing it was. Sa hiya na bumalot sa katawan ko ay hindi ko pinansin ang kamay niya at umalis na lang nang hindi nagpapaalam sa kanya. 

That's how I first met Hyon. It wasn't love at first sight. I was too mortified and irritated that time to even pay attention to her. I didn't immediately like her, too. I just thought she was interesting.

She was the complete opposite of me. She was too kind that it didn't seem real. She never had anything bad to say about anybody. She was... pure.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nahulog sa kanya. She had this pull on her. It was like I've unknowingly attached myself to her orbit and all of a sudden, my life revolved around her.

She makes me happy. She calms the noise and darkness inside my head. She makes me want to be better. For her. I'm in love with her... but she's in love with somebody else. She's in love with my brother.

"Traydor ka!" I shouted and threw a punch to Kuya Alister. He managed to block my aggression.

I was shaking, fuming with anger. I felt the tears that filled my eyes. It uncontrollably streamed down my face. There was something breaking inside my chest. It hurts so much.

My vision darkened. I've completely lost control of my temper. All I know right now is that I wanted to inflict the pain that I was feeling.

Kailan pa? Simula ba nung dinala ko siya sa bahay namin at nagkakilala sila? I shouldn't have brought her home! Kung alam ko lang! I should have kept her far away from him!

Bakit si Kuya pa? Ako naman ang palagi niyang kasama. Kami ang unang nagkakilala kaya bakit hindi ako?

I know that my older brother is better than me. He's smart, kind, and patient. Everything that I'm not. Bagay nga sila. Pero... bakit hindi na lang ako? Pwede naman akong mag-aral mabuti. I will be nice. I will try my best to manage my anger and control my temper... I will do everything just so Hyon will pick me instead. Hindi ba pwedeng ako na lang?

"Where the hell are you going, Atticus?" Dashiel asked as I stumbled my way outside the bar.

I don't know the answer to his question. I was too fucking drunk. I'm even surprised that I haven't fell flat on my face yet.

"'Wag mo akong sundan." My words sounded slurred.

I found a group of guys standing near us. May isang lalaki na nakatingin sa akin. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang tingin sa akin. He looked like he was insulting me inside his head. I sneered and fixed my stance. Hindi ko na pinag-isipan. I walked to his way and grabbed his collar. Mabilis ang naging kilos ko kaya hindi nakapalag ang lalaki.

"Sama ng tingin mo, gago ka. Anong gusto mo?"

"Oy!" the other two guys with him reacted.

"Fuck! Atticus!" I heard Dashiel from behind. Sunod kong naramdaman ang hawak sa braso ko. He tried to drag me away but I freed myself from his hold.

"Anong problema mo?" maangas na tanong ng lalaki.

That pushed my button. I reacted quickly and punched him. A few curses flew out. Isang suntok din ang tumama sa mukha ko. Hindi ko alam kung kanino galing. My face was too numb from the alcohol. Hindi man lang ako nasaktan.

I don't know how the fight got stopped. My drunk state caused some lapses in my memory. I just found myself being dragged by Dashiel and being pushed to the back of his car.

"Umayos ka nga, Atticus! Don't ruin yourself just because of my cousin! Marami pang ibang babae d'yan!"

"Fuck other girls! I only want her!"

"She doesn't want you!

"Fuck you!" I flipped him a bird. Tears filled my eyes. The anger that I was feeling transformed into "I want her, Dash. Mahal ko si Hyon. Bakit hindi ako ang mahal niya? Sabihan mo naman siya na ako na lang. Tangina, mahal na mahal ko siya, e."

I was selfish. I knew she wasn't happy with our arrangement but it was the only way that I can have her. I don't mind taking what I can get. Even if I have to act dumb and play pretend. A part of me hoped that she'll end up falling in love with me along the way... but I was too fucking stubborn to accept it.

"Hyon's not here since last night. Akala ko nasa villa niyo s'ya?" Ate Cass, Hyon's cousin, answered when I tried to look for her.

My polite smile faded as realization hit me. Dashiel lied to me. Hyon's not here. That only means one thing. She's with him.

Anger, pain, and sadness came at me all at once. All I could think about that moment is how badly I wanted to leave.

With a heavy heart, I took the boat without Hyon and left.