Colliding With My Mate(Book #2)

Prolouge

*Two Months After Rescue*

I sat watching her as she slept. She was so peaceful right now in my arms, so unaffected by the events of two months ago. Just by looking at her now I could hardly tell that this was the girl who was kidnapped by rouges and used as their personal lab rat.

Yes there was the obvious thing that made it known what happened to her: her hair. They shorn off her waist length hair to her ears as a sign of control. They wanted to leave a mark on her.

Underneath her clothes were bruises she refused to show. I could only guess that they were bad if she wasn't willing to let me see, and if they were anything like the ones she used to have on her face then a part of me would almost rather not see.

My thoughts were disrupted by her loud yawn and turning. She rubbed her eyes, opened them and then shot up. A frightened look crossed her face before being replaced with one of relief.

I knowingly gave her a kiss." It's just me, how was your sleep?" I knew Cara sometimes suffered from nightmares. After the attacks she would wake up screaming and thrashing. Now, with a firmer grasp on herself she no longer screamed or thrashed, but I knew she was still suffering. She chose to endure it all in silence, without my help. Every attempt I had to help her in some way was met by her rejecting me. She pretended as if she couldn't remember her nightmares once she woke you.

But I knew she was lying, I've slept next to my mate long enough and I knew what she was like when she was in actual content sleep. The Cara I sleep next to now can hardly keep still. The thrashing gave way to tossing and turning, and her screaming became clenched fists and occasional painful grimaces.

When she didn't answer, I repeated myself to her. Another hint at a nightmare, it often took her a bit longer to adjust to reality. It took her awhile to realize that she was in fact awake, and all that occurred previously in her dreams were just that 'a dream'. She turned her body  away from me and spoke into the pillow. "It was good." She said barely audible.

I hated when she turned her body away from me. In the past I would actually feel hurt, but now a deep gnawing feeling took its place, leaving me feeling more cold than actually upset.

I tried not to get upset with her, but sometimes she made it difficult.

Cara rose from bed and left the room without a word. She was in her own head and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't bring her out of it.

She was in the bathroom brushing her teeth so I went in after her. I reached in the cabinet above her head and took out a razor to shave. All the time I was watching her throughout the mirror.

Short hair, long hair, she was still so beautiful. Why couldn't she just see that I loved her despite everything?After what I thought to be progress, I tried a few days ago to tell her that I thought she was beautiful and that resulted in her crying and withdrawing further into herself. So now I stopped calling her anything.

"Babe can you help me?" I held the razor out to her. This was my test to her. She used to shave me occasionally in the past but not anymore.

She stepped out of my path."Reid please." She said softly. That was her way of saying no. She never actually said no or denied me. I knew that if I really pushed her she would do it, but I didn't want to get in the habit of forcing my mate to do things she didn't want to.

Still, I gave her only a slight push towards the truth."What's the matter Cara? Seriously." It had been a month since I was so forward with her.

"Nothing." Her eyes refused to meet mine.

"Bullshit." I muttered walking away from her. I walked down the steps and headed into the kitchen to get myself some water. It was nearly impossible not to blow up at her sometimes.

She came down a few minutes later and put a hand on my shoulder. Sparks radiated off her hand and onto my shoulder. "Reid please, I'm sorry. I really am trying, believe me."

"Trying what?" She would say this sometimes and then revert back to the same behavior and I would just let it slide. Today I wanted some more answers.

"I'm trying to get better." She said weakly, as if even she didn't believe it.

"Let me help."I implored. Her eyes were staring down at my chest. I wanted to open my arms so she could run into it, but I knew she wouldn't.

She shook her head no."Reid I need to figure out what's right for me. I need to do this alone."

At first I said nothing, too stunned to speak. Then I stood and emphatically threw away my cup in the sink. Some water splashed around but I didn't care.Inside I was bristling with resentment.

I always assumed she wanted my help but was too afraid to ask, so I made myself always available just so she could always come to me. Turns out, it wasn't my help she wanted at all. She never even considered coming to her own mate for help.

Now that made me angry. I balled my hands into fists. "Yeah just like you rescued yourself from the rouges alone, right?" As soon as I said it I regretted it. I could hear her subtle intake of breath.

Cara turned away so I couldn't see the hurt on her face. I normally would have apologized, but pride was stopping me today.

"Anyway you're right. I'm going to the pack office. Don't wait up." I knew I was just hurting her and at this point I couldn't hold my bitterness in any longer. She wanted to solve everything by herself and I would need to step back and let her. Eventually she would see that she couldn't have it both ways; she couldn't have my total affection and consideration without my help. It wasn't conditional, it was required.
****