Burned at Both Ends

9. Burned At Both Ends.

11:40pm.

I bandaged up my arms and pulled my sleeves back down, then I walked out to the main part of the bus to see Ryan and Devin were the only ones still awake.

"What took you so long, dude?" Devin asked.

"Took longer to get my makeup off this time," I lied.

Ryan looked up at me. "Really?"

I didn't want to lie to him.

"...No." I said. "I lied."

"Ricky." Ryan stood up and grabbed my arm lightly. "What were you doing?"

Suddenly I couldn't find the words and tears were pricking my eyes and it was getting harder to breathe.
I looked up and Devin was standing behind Ryan.

"I -- " I was crying. I couldn't stop.

"What happened?" Ryan asked quietly, wrapping his arms around me.

He probably already knew what happened, he just needed me to confirm his nightmare.

When I heard something metal hit the floor, I knew the blade had fallen out of my pocket and basically answered everything Ryan had been asking.

"Ricky..."

"I only t-told you about the one bl-blade that I had." I admitted. "I didn't throw out th-the others."

Did Ryan feel a bit betrayed? Probably. Did I feel guilty? Definitely.

Ryan sighed. "Ricky, please. Don't do this again."

"Ricky, you can always talk to us, you know?" Devin said.

"Th-that stuff doesn't work for me. Talking, writing, drawing, it-it doesn't help." I said. "I'm not like these other people who can e-easily distract themselves."

"Ricky -- "

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" I said. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight, guys."

2:00am.

Ryan's POV

I was unable to sleep, I was uncomfortable the whole night until I felt someone familiar slide into my bunk and wrap his small arms around me.

"Ryan?" Ricky muttered.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about tonight." He apologized. "I'm sorry for relapsing. I'm sorry for being a total douchebag about it."

"Don't apologize, okay?" I replied, turning over to face him. "It wasn't your fault."

He didn't reply.

"I love you, Ricky. You know that?" I said.

"I love you too, Ryan." He replied.

"...Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend, Ricky?" I asked.

There was a long silence before I heard him finally reply.

"Yes," He said. "I love you."

To Be Continued.