April 26, 2013
Hello again whoever reads this,
Well it's been a while since I've wrote, I have a lot to tell you it seems.
Well when my friend came back it was good. At first. Then bullshit people started crap like they ALWAYS do in my small town little school. Seriously it's small we only have like a hundred kids in each class, everyone knows everyone! Okay but that's not the point so I guess I'll continue with the story? Well she and I got into a fight. It seems that people found out where she went...and blamed me. But that's the thing though I told my one friend that knew kinda what was going on. I needed someone to help me because I was confused and broken. Well we fought majorly fought actually. I ended up punching the bathroom wall to tell the truth.
But thankfully today we were able to "fix things" today. Although I found it extremely funny though that a couple of guys saw us talking and within five minutes the whole school was talking about it and asking people close to both us if we were friends again. People in my school should learn to mind their own sometimes.
You remember that boy? The one I told you I was head over heels in love with? Well yeah that's still the same. But j should probably tell you a little bit about him..and me..the us. Well at the beginning of this school year I began dating a guy a year younger than me. He was my first kiss. We lasted for four months but the last two we were constantly fighting and yelling I don't think I'd heard that much fighting for a while. Not even from my parents and that says something. But that's a different part of this letter. Well the last straw for him in our relationship was when one of my friends..my real close friend..tried to do something..something the bible says is a sin. But I can't talk about that. At least not right now. Well when he found out he broke up with me. For a couple of weeks I was really upset. But then we had Christmas break. I kind of realized I didn't need him. And then right as I realized this a new guy messaged me. We had seen each other in school before. Talked a little but not enough to really know each other. Well we began talking. We talked every day I was constantly checking to see if I had a message on Facebook. And he was constantly sending me messages and replying to me. It seemed he wanted to get to know me as much as I wanted to get to know him. There was one small well actually quite big problem. He was mix. He had black in him. Which to me didn't matter it made him look like he had a great tan all year round to me it made him look cuter. Well you see there's this thing with my dad. He's real racist and prejudice. Always has been. Though he admits he did see it coming because of how I didn't agree with it and how I'd always defend "them." Well eventually we began "talking" and he was always making me laugh and smile. We went back to school and he was always right there. I found it sweet and almost unreal. My last boyfriend had never been like that. He always wanted to be by his friends. Well eventually we began getting closer and I realized I should probably tell my parents soon. Since my mom worked with his mom and aunt I knew she'd find out eventually and it would be better for me if they found out from me first. So one day when she was home and my dad was over the road before my sisters came home I told her I needed to talk to her. I told her about how he treated me and how he made me happy then I told her that he was mix. She acted like she didn't really care.
The next day he called me. We talked for a really long time. Then he asked me out. It was January 15. He became my second kiss. But then my friends and his friends decided we'd been happy for to long since we were completely different people. He was a football player. Popular. Funny. Good looking. And I was..just there. The loud girl with the weird friends. The ugly one. The girl who had never been farther then a kiss. Well I guess he got tired of our friends because he wrote me a note a week before valentines day and our one month. He told me it was over. That he didn't want a relationship and that he was sorry. Right after he gave the note though he kissed me, which really hurt me once I read the note. Well I'm the kind of person who believes in face to face breakups not Facebook not texts not calls not emails and most definitely not notes. So I decided I'd write him a note of my own. I wrote his name(lets call him Tyler?) then I wrote:
Okay look.
I don't care you broke up with me. Honestly I knew it would happen. Guys like you don't like someone like me. But hey. I guess guys do whatever they can do to try to get laid I that well you're basically a pussy because you didn't have the balls to break up with me face to face then you kissed me after giving me the note. Wow. Answer me this was everything everything just a lie so you could get fucked? Screw you.
K bye. Ps should I kiss you after I give you this note or is that just your thing?
He got a little mad about it. But then we started talking again because we both missed each other. We decided we would be just friends. Which hurt me a little but I understood it was all I would get. Well today in study hall (which we have together) he stole my pencil pouch.(I threw it at him because he was annoying me) and he took a note at random. Unfortunately he took the note that I'd wrote with his best friend about how his friend thought he was turning me into "Tyler"'s little whore. Well I left because i couldn't be in there if he was going to read it when I got back he had wrote me a note. He told me I shouldn't believe him because if that was true then he wouldn't ask me what was wrong or even try to care(the night before we had talked and I was upset so he there for me) then he said we were just friends and he didn't want a relationship. So I wrote him back and I was really mad so I was like I understand all of that and a bunch of stuff then I said I guess we are just friends..(because the thing is he and I we always talk about our feelings we both like each other and we are most likely going to do things that I never thought would happen like this) and he told me "okay we are more than just friends just not dating.." He makes me happy. But I just found out that he might have to have surgery. It's not major but my step mom has had several surgeries because of a simple one gone wrong so I don't really trust doctors so I'm kinda worried about him.
My best friend is really worried about me. Because last night my parents called me a bunch of really mean words and I almost snapped. It was worse than ever before. It scared me. I told her but I didn't want to. I knew I had to though. "Tyler" doesn't know about it and I'm scared if he finds out about how I use to relieve my emotions he'll want nothing to do with me and that scares me.
Although there is this guy on wattpad (this website I love) that is so so so sweet. But I dot know how he'd act either.
Well I hear my parents. I must stop for now.
Love,
The Worthless Kay
