Chasing After What I Love (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 10

AN: Surprised? Good. :) I had to make things spark more, especially for how long I've been gone. Hey, look, chapter 10! :)

You can guess what I did after that. I pussied out because I didn't want to die. Not like that. Beau would've made up some story of how I admitted to doing that to Austin and how he killed me to avenge him or some kind of stupid shit.

Plus, he had threatened to pull Austin's plug if I didn't take the blame.

So, yeah, the police came and I was hauled away. And, fuck, I'm in here for another three years unless Austin wakes up before then. Might as well write, right? Guess it's more productive than doodling ducks all over the page. I like ducks.

So, the only people who believe me are Phil and Aaron. Tino always blamed everything on my drinking when I hadn't even had a drop when I.. I found him. But Tino had come alone one day and just..

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Alan?!" Tino shouted through the telephone. I stared at him through the glass, sure my eyes were bloodshot. I had nothing left. Nothing. I eventualy muttered a pathetic, "You don't believe me?". He just glared at me in disgust. "He's my best friend!" I shouted, voice cracking. Someone behind me whistled, and I turned my head. Officer Jones glared at me, a threat. I turned back to Tino, determined to get him to believe me. But.. he was gone. Just like that, he had walked out on everything.

Our friendship.

Other people had visited, but there aren't many visiting rights in a goddammed prison. I'm pretty sure all of Pierce The Veil and half of Sleeping With Sirens believe me. A lot of people know how close Austin and I are. And if there is a god, I pray that Austin remembers who did it to him. It's a painful memory, but if I want any kind of life at all.. 

I just don't know what else to think.

December 20, 2013

Yesterday was awful. I had to do this shitload of laundry, mainly guys' underwear, and Rob's chore which just happened to be the toliets.

Rob is.. in one word, a shithead. Big bald guy with a beard and covered in tattoos, your typical prisoner badass. You think he made me do his chore? Fuck no, the guy's a pussy. The dumbass broke his fingers while we were having our 'recess' time. I'm a good guy, so I took up his chore.

Not really, they made me because I'm one of the few people that talk to the guy. Whatever. Visiting's today, and I'm pretty sure it's Phil this time. Good, I missed him.

I just drew a penis.

Speaking of penises, I lost my butt virginity a few weeks ago. And no, I did not drop the soap.

Hey, if you get horny enough, man..

Deleting this out of my book

No but really, I liked it.

Deleting that, too.

Oh my god. What if I die in here? They'd find my diary and I'd be like a homosexual man version of Anne Frank.

Except bisexual, I think. Bisexual Anne Frank. Woah.

*Bisexual MAN Anne Frank.

If any kids are reading this diary because they published it, I am truly sorry. Stay out of prison and you won't get this bored.

In all seriousness, though. I miss Austin so much. I just hope I can tell him that I love him someday. It's a fucking shame that it took this for me to realize it, but I truly wish that it would've been Austin instead of some random guy in a prison. Makes me think about what Aaron and I were talking about after the incident. 

I sat there, curled up in the chair next to Austin, Aaron on the other side of him. It was silent for a few minutes, us both just staring off into space. Finally, Aaron spoke up, "You know he loves you, right?" We both knew what he meant. I kept my mouth shut, thinking. After a few minutes passed, I cleared my throat before saying softly, "I don't know about.. everything, though." I was afraid. Gay sex, going public with a relationship like that. Aaron just looked at me and said, "We don't choose who we love,"

Aaron was right. I just wished I would've known sooner.