her blood [frozen]

2. Oh Please, You're Not That Unique

2. Oh Please, You're Not That Unique

Honestly right now Anna is still in utter shock from the news she had received three days ago. Even after she exited Dr Chandler's office and finally got out of the dreadful hospital and entered Lilian's range rover, she still couldn't shake off the wandering thoughts in her head. Not even catchy tunes blaring out of the radio could cheer Anna up, and she'd usually be the first one in the car to pump up her hands and rock her body to the beat with her hair swaying left and right.

Even after she got home and booted up her laptop and opened up a tab for YouTube, she still remained a gloomy mess of a teenage girl. Even when she looked up poorly and cheaply produced early 2000s music videos--which would usually get her up and grooving with her hairbrush in hand--she still continued her depressing episode.

After all, who in the world could feel happy when they're about do die in less than a year? She certainly can't.

And now she's sitting on the couch with a tub of Cookies and Cream ice cream between her thighs and a small spoon in hand, watching cheesy chick flicks on HBO, and she's still feeling like someone ran over her pet hamster and stopped the production of chocolate forever. Over these past few days, she'd felt exactly like that, like she was so sad she wished the world would just get somersaulted into the blazing sun, but at the same time she felt like crying her eyes out until there was nothing left to cry except for the blood in her veins.

She was--is confused, and she truthfully doesn't know what to do. This is the first time she's feeling like this and the first time she has to deal with the word death first hand. Sure there was that time way back when her parents passed away of frostbite, but she was young and naive and innocent then so death didn't take its toll on her like it should have. But now she's a teenager and mature and she understands the world and the word death better, so she's confused about what she should do.

Clearly staying cooped up inside her house isn't exactly the best way she can be coping with her situation.

Anna contemplates creating a bucket list, to complete everything she wants to do before kicking the final bucket and saying goodbye to everything connected to being alive, but at the same time that doesn't seem like a particularly good idea. She has no energy, despite the amount of food consuming she has been doing for the past three days. No, that's not it. She has energy, she just doesn't have the willpower to actually use up that energy.

Nothing seems to have a purpose now that the word death is etched to her brain like superglue.

She probably doesn't even need to attend classes and school anymore. What's the point of passing subjects she could give a care less about and getting through high school if she's not going to be there when they hand out certificates and everybody tosses up their square-shaped hats?

She can finally end her painful relationship with Hans. What's the purpose of dating the school's number one hottie and experiencing love if she's not going to make it to the same college and go to the same parties and hangouts and eventually end up married with at least two kids?

There's a lot of she-doesn't-need-to's and she-can-finally's in Anna's mind right now, because that's all she can think about besides her ever nearing end. She thinks now that reality might be a little harder and life might be more valuable than it had been a week ago and that death is really inevitable and if you're unlucky enough to get chosen for an early death it really is unavoidable.

Anna sets down the spoon still filled with an abundant amount of ice cream and rubs both of her temples in frustration, the background noise of girls gossiping from the telly blocks out her thoughts for a second. But it literally only lasts a second before her own voice tunes back on in her mind and she can't help but wish the telly had a louder speaker.