I knew that I was a murderer even before they told me, even before my memories. I just knew. I felt tarnished, cold, like I was a piece of ice going to crack. I knew.
Because murdering someone, no, someones makes you feel that way.
It sucks.
Now, I feel as though I am cracking. Most probably, I am going insane. They are trying to help me back to my feet, as they have so nicely put it.
Its more like their trying to find the old me. They want the old me.
I close my eyes and take deep breath. I am going insane. I am going insane. I tell myself again and again.
It calms me.
But obviously, I am a warped, twisted being. Obviously.
I don't look like one though. I guess I always though a warped, twisted being would look more, more harsh. But I don't.
My heart makes up for my uncooperative looks. I am a cold, cold person.
I am going insane.
I am perfectly calm about it.
See, perfectly insane. Thats what I am. Crazy, retarded. Call it what you want, but you will never ever ever change the truth. Exactly what a insane teenager would say. Brilliant.
I don't mind going insane. I don't care.
*
Cassandra was alone in her room. Eating. Noodles yipped excitedly. Cassandra snorted and imitated Noodles's pitiful look. Then, breaking down, she threw a piece of veal to Noodles.
She couldn't resist. Noodles was too persuasive with her face. If that was a thing.
Cassandra looked at her food and frowned. There was far too much. Far, far too much. If she ate that much, how was she going to look in her skin tight leather pants tomorrow. Fat, fat fat.
God, couldn't anyone understand that she had too eat thee minimal amount? Even Juli didn't understand. And Juli understood most things. Just not this.
Cassandra picked at her food for a while longer, then gave the rest to Noodles.
The plate went back to the kitchen before anyone else was done.
*
I inspected my hands. My eyes were slits. I gave my now signature laugh.
So thats where all this murdering business began. Huh.
Thats where the monster started growing.
