It was really surprising to James with all the strange switches with the music. It all seemed different, not one song sounded similar so far. Although he has only listened to so much of it, he could honestly say he loved all the music. Not to mention the music was doing more than helping him.
James didn't seem to have the urge to pick at his hair when played the music, which was strange. He didn't think about it too much and just enjoyed the next song. It was labeled under Feel Good, which he thought he needed at the moment. The song was She's Killing Me (he thought that was an odd title for what it was being labeled for) and it was by Cosmo Speedway.
The song was a lot different than the first one that was on the CD. It was a lot more calmer and made him feel all fuzzy inside even with the strange lyrics.
It was strange for James to just lay in bed all day listening to music. Usually he would go and do something because he hated doing nothing. But so far he has yet to have the motivation to go somewhere. That and the fact that he was so terrified to run into Aleks again. He knew that he was overreacting and he didn't really have a reason besides the fact that he didn't want to face his feelings again.
So if that meant hiding away in his house, then so be it.
Seamus has been visiting quite a lot, just to keep him company, he supposed. Seamus had various attempts to get James out of the house, none of them had worked so far. He even bribed him with food, which he easily would have taken any other day.
It was surprising, really. Seamus hasn't seen him like this since the first incident. Which was when James first started to ignore him.
Seamus thought that there had to be something more than James just not accepting his feelings. He didn't want to push him, but he defiantly wanted to know.
-
James stepped out of his room, a beanie on his head, covering up all his hair. Seamus glanced at him strangely, he never usually covered all his hair.
"It's getting worse, Seamus." James grumbled with a monotone voice, his head down and hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets.
Seamus' expression immediately softened, a wave of regret washing over him and he wasn't sure why.
"It's okay, James." Seamus murmured calmly, tugging James' beanie off.
James wasn't lying, he had various bald spots atop his head. Seamus just smiled halfheartedly and pulled James into a hug. James let out muffled sobs as he gripped him tightly.
As soon as James pulled away, he quickly pulled the beanie over his head and wiped his tears away with his hoodie sleeve.
"Hey, it's okay, I don't think anyone would care anyways. And if they did, so what? They're not important." Seamus assured, patting him on the back slightly. Seamus was never good at giving advice, but he tried.
"I guess." James mumbled as he left with Seamus out of the house.
Today, Seamus finally got James to go outside. Which was a huge accomplishment on his part. It might seem stupid, but he was super proud of James. Some people don't understand, but even the smallest of things can be the toughest for people like James. It's silly to many people, but achieving just small goals like these were such a big deal to James because it reminds him that he's not incapable of doing it, and it's just the anxiety speaking for him.
Most of the time he was embarrassed for having these idiotic moments of happiness. But James couldn't help but smile with glee when he manages to talk to someone with stuttering. Or asking for directions when lost. It was a great feeling, knowing that he's not incompetent.
