Seamus sat curiously staring at the CD's in James' room whilst James was at the grocery store. Curiosity got the best of him and he couldn't help but play the first disk he picked up. He wanted to know what the big deal is and why James wouldn't stop listening to the stupid music.
Milk Teeth? Seamus pondered, why would that be under angst?
Just as Seamus was going to click the play button, James made himself known as he burst into the room. He stood confused, wondering why Seamus was in his room but nonetheless continued with what he was doing.
"Okay, first, get out of my room and don't touch my things you dick-face. Second, help me bring the groceries in." James nearly whined to Seamus, grabbing his forearm and dragging him out of the room.
Once all the groceries were all put away, James turned to Seamus with a guilty expression. Seamus immediately became concerned for his friend.
"What's wrong? Did you forget something at the store?" Seamus figured, not really sure what would upset James so much.
"Uh, no, but I did forget about someone." James mumbled. "So, I managed to run into Aleks at the store today, how we managed to see each other again is beyond me, but I just felt so guilty when I glanced at him." James admitted, sobs racking his body.
"You know how I am Seamus. He looked so shocked and he immediately started a conversation. I was so upset that I just quickly walked away from him and left with the groceries, and I just cried in the parking lot for like, ten minutes." He sputtered, crossing his arms and glancing at his worn sneakers.
Seamus wasn't quite sure how to respond. The guy that James loved since he first met him, ran into him at the store.
James wanted to avoid Aleks as much as he could, and he was doing great up until now. When James first met Aleks, he automatically realized that what he felt for the other was more than just a friendship kind of thing. At first he just avoided the feeling in general, until he finally couldn't take it anymore and completely kicked Aleks out of his life.
James knew that doing this was not a way to go about doing things. He couldn't just hurt Aleks - not to mention himself - in the process. But it was the only way to get the beautiful Russian out of his head. Even if he hated himself for it.
James didn't think his feelings were normal. Not only that but he just didn't think he would be able to stay in a relationship. Not to mention the fact that he didn't even know Aleksandr's sexuality, but really, who is straight now a days? Old people and Christians, that's who. And James wasn't old and his head wasn't up god's ass.
James had a perfect perspective on the real world. He knew that his feeling were valid, but that doesn't mean he wanted to accept them. He wanted to make his family proud, and they wouldn't be proud of another male dating their son.
So James just sobbed and listened to the stupid angst song that didn't lift his mood at all, but he also didn't think he deserved to happy for what he did to Aleks.
Sometimes he wished he never met the Russian, maybe he would have a better life. That seemed very egocentric and he hated his thought process at the moment.
Seamus just sighed as he heard his friend bawl his eyes out in his room. He wanted to help out, but he just didn't know how. So, he just left him to cry because he knew James wasn't going to answer him if he tried to start a conversation.
Seamus thought about how he would help James with this, because he knew now that he remembered Aleks, he wasn't going to be able to concentrate on anything.
