Annalise

Choices

The next day was different, calm even. We'd received some early morning food drop offs and whispered calls, but other than that it was quiet. I'd made it through lunch with little conversation, and Lucas was there to mediate the awkwardness between my mother and I, so it was ok. Almost normal.

She'd forgiving me for running off, again, and choosing to defy her and go against the head of our pack, but most importantly the head of our household. I could only apologize and admit to myself that she was right. I was being irrational and disrespectful to my own mother when she only did what she thought was best for us. In my mind, she'd pawned us off to a life of servitude to the pack, but in her mind, I imagined she was ensuring our futures.

She placed a plate of oranges in front of me and touched my hair in a motherly way. We didn't mention yesterday, not Cristians unwarranted call, my attempt to flee or even the silent conversation she and Amarog had at the car. Instead, she'd gone on about the day in a normal way, playfully interacting with Lucas and attempting to make me smile at any occasion. "How about barbecue tonight?" She asked finger combing my hair. For the most part, she'd left me alone, but when possible she would attempt to cheer me up as if it would the ease the pain of losing Cristian. I shrugged, most of our conversations consisted of her offering something and me shrugging. "As long as Lukes not cooking," I yelled into the other room. It had been awkward between us long enough and I felt the need to lighten my disposition.

"I'm the best cook in the house," Lucas bragged stepping through the door. "Be grateful you have a master chef such as myself around." He grabbed an orange and swallowed it whole, as we laughed at his confidence. I was grateful he'd caught on and decided to join us. I was trying, but I found it hard to put on a facade of happiness or even content, when I really felt uncertain and sadness.

"The best dish you ever made was ramen in a cup," my mother joked, "If you're not paired soon I don't know who's gonna feed you when I'm gone." She chuckled and pulled her fingers from hair, realizing that she'd ruined the mood.

"Come on help me pick a movie for tonight," Luke nudged to end the tension.

"Ma you choose," I whined to ease her guilt, "he always picks those gruesome horror ones."

"More comedy for me," he smiled, "watching yall jump and scream with tears the whole time is comedy gold," he laughed. My mother slapped his chest and promised she would choose something that was actually good before going to the living room. Lucas winked and followed behind her. I sucked on the juice of an orange slice until it was a flattened shell of the fruit. I didn't necessarily like the stringy outer layer that covered the sweet inside so they were always left behind on my plate as shriveled white messes. I didn't mind it was my mess, something that I had control over.  I picked up another slice and brought it to my lips, but the phone rang and my mother yelled for me to answer. I sighed not really wanting to cheerfully greet the caller who would undoubtfully ask for her. I put the slice in my mouth and purposefully picked up with a mouthful. "Jamison's," I spoke moving the orange around to drain the juice.

"It's me." Lily's voice came out friendlier than the last time we'd spoken, but much more reserved. It had been weeks since we'd talked and she'd been avoiding my calls, so this was unexpected. I felt she blamed me for Cristians exile, as his parents and even Andrew had. She didn't have the years I had with Cristian, but he was as much her friend as he was mine, and I could imagine that she felt as bad as I did.

"Hey Lily, how have you been." My voice came out more formal than I intended, but she didn't notice. 

"Ok I guess, still feeling the effects of my shift and the engagement," she answered. She'd shifted and been paired, but I didn't know because I was selfishly worrying only about myself and Cristian. I'd put my other life on hold, and allowed the effects of my own engagement to overshadow the things that came before Eric, but Lily didn't seem as grim. She wasn't as solemn as I expected her to be, but almost giddy. Reminded me of the day she saw the fancy jeep at school.