forget me ➳ troyler au // THIRD //

VII

Tyler

22.03.15

12:00 a.m.

I don't even know if I want to stay in this cruel world anymore. My boyfriend tried committing suicide again and I couldn't even try to stop it. It just... Happened.

Being without Troye makes me unhappy. It makes me sad. Depressed. I was depressed for the full month without Troye. That made me so sad. I remember finding him in his house trying to kill himself because he was being bullied and I found him blacked out. That was the day Troye told me he loved me, too.

And now, will he even love me? After I left him alone? I wanted to go follow him, but I was afraid that I would make him angry and that he would try to die. If I went, there was a possibility that he would have ended his life and no one could have helped him. If I didn't follow like I originally did, then he could have died. Everything happens when I'm gone. Also when I'm around people. And it fucking sucks.

What sucks even more, is that even if I did follow him and he did kill himself, there was no way I could save him. He could be alone with the exception of me in the room and he could have ended his life.

But what I'm wondering right now is who saved him?

3:46 p.m.

I was standing over Troye, waiting for him to wake up. If I was alive right now, I would probably look really creepy. Well, I am alive, I just am not alive in my body. My body is dead, yet it's still breathing.

If anyone could see me,  I just look like an average person. Like Troye. I'm 3D, my body colour is still there, yet sometimes you could look through me and you could stick your hand through me. It's funny, though. One time, I was wandering the streets with Troye holding his hand, even though I wasn't really holding it since his arm was swinging and my hand just went right through his hand every time he swung his arm. I laughed.

"Tyler, is that you?" I hear a familiar, Australian voice say from in front of me. I look back at Troye and smile. I then quickly move towards him and try to hug him. He tried hugging me back, but his arm just went right through me and on to his chest. He seemed really weak from what I just saw. It seems like he couldn't even control his arm.

"Are you okay? I just heard about you being dead yesterday or something. But why? You could still see me. I was still here--"

"But you weren't!" He shouts at me. He them swallows saliva that was probably forming in his mouth. He then lowers his voice, trying to calm down. "I-I just missed you, okay? And... I'm just... I accidentally kissed Connor." I freeze. I take my arm away from Troye's body and I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I wipe them away and hug him again. "What--"

"I'm just glad you told me the truth, Troye. Plus, I can't stay mad at you forever. Remember last time? We didn't even speak to each other. And it sucked for me. That's why I started having suicidal thoughts," I tell him, memories floating back to me. "And then I found you again at Disneyland. I was happy when I saw you. You know, I could be dead."

"True. Thank you, though, for forgiving me. I kissed someone that I was over with last year and basically cheated on you. Thank you for giving me a second chance. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Me too."

25.03.15

12:46 a.m.

It was the middle of the night and I was sitting next to Troye, chatting away. Throughout the past few days, doctors and relatives and friends have been in and out of the room, so Troye and I could rarely talk. The only time we did was at night.

"So I heard about Prom coming up and I want to take you, you know. Like, take you to Prom," Troye tells me, smirking. I roll my eyes and slap him, even though he couldn't feel it. He giggles.

Prom? I have never been to Prom. Well, I have. But only girls took me. During the slow dances, I basically just went to the bathroom keeping my date waiting. The girl I took last year tried to kiss me, but then I basically just said in her face that I had to go shit because I drank some milk and lied to her that I was lactose intolerant. She was so stupid that she believed me. She dumped me right when she won Prom Queen, though. I didn't win Prom King. Wasn't surprised at all when Gavin won, though. Well, I was a bit surprised because I looked much more attractive than that cunt. 

Do I even say yes to his invite? I probably won't be waking up until the next few years, though. I've overheard the doctors who have been in and out of my room say that to one another. I didn't tell Troye yet, though. Should I tell him now?

"Well, Troye, I--"

"Just a yes or a no. That's all I want to hear. Mostly a yes," he smiles.

"Troye, I probably won't even wake up until the next few years," I say. His face falls. He kept his eyes on his lap and I saw tears fall down his face. I try to swype them away. It didn't work, though. He did it himself, though.

"H-How do you know that?" He asks with worry and anxiety filled in his eyes. I sigh softly and quietly. I sit down on his bed and look at him. He doesn't look at me, though. He hasn't even looked at me when I said that sentence.

"The past month that I avoided you, I've followed doctors who took care of me. They've been doing many tests and most of them show that I won't wake up until the next year or so. It's really sad. For me. And you. And everyone around me. Because I don't know what happens when I wake up. Do I forget everything? Do I forget about the things we have done together throughout the past years with me being a ghost?"

"I-I don't know, Tyler. I haven't experienced this before. Well, at least I don't think. I just don't remember..."

"I just am afraid of forgetting everything. Like you did. Having amnesia. That's one of my worst fears."

"What's your biggest fear, though, Tyler?"

"It's losing--"

"HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!" I hear random people scream.

I looked at Troye who sat up and looked at me, wide eye. I look at him with the same expression he had on his face on my face. I then saw him struggle to get up. I wanted to help, but I couldn't. He actually finally did get up, but then he just fell and started crying. "I'm too weak. Just go see what it is," he tells me in between sobs. I do as I was told and follow the screaming.

As I was running, I looked down at my feet. Or where my feet should have been. I stop dead in my tracks and look at my hands. What was happening? Why am I disappearing? Am I dead?

I finally catch up to my room and the door was shut. At that point, I fell to the ground and I disappeared.

➳

yo m8 wazzup

this wasn't supposed to happen until like the last few chapters bUT WHATEVER

school starts tomorrow !!! woo i'm not ready to start high school

first off: pls rt the link in bio to help me win a people's choice award for hold me !!

second: hi i haven't been here in 2 weeks

hope you enjoyed this chapter !!!! i certainly didn't like writing it

if it seems rushed sorry i'm trying to update all of my stories at least once today before school starts and trying to make it more than 1k words so yeah

bye world

—caimLle