Elude

I Have To Want This- Matthew's POV

After locking Matan in the cell, I walk back to Caelan and Nox. I hesitate as I pass Jake, and I almost feel sorry for him. I didn't want to have to do it to him, as much as I'll tell people otherwise...

No, I think to myself, I can't pity them. If I'm going to have power again, I have to want this. I have to be willing to do anything.

For some reason my mind flies to my stupid leg. I can see Nox staring at it, and I know the question is coming before she speaks.

"Matthew?" she asks. "Um. If you don't mind me asking, why do you have a li--"

"Just ask Caelan," I say. Caelan shoots mental daggers at me. "Go on."

He has to think about what he's going to tell her. "A while ago," he says. "Enderlin was trying to recruit him, and they sent me to do it. He attacked me and ended up being injured."

"The truth, Caelan!" I say.

"That was the truth," he says.

"All of it," I say, frustrated.

"Okay," he says. "Something caught on fire, and he thought I did it on purpose. Then he attacked me. Naturally, I won, but he ended up losing his leg and hand to the fire."

I turn my attention to Nox. "I was only fourteen," I say. "Of course I lost. If we were to fight today, that's a different story."

Caelan frowns. "No," he says. "You're the strategist, I'm the fighter."

"You crippled me!" I shoot back. "Don't expect me to be agile with a metal leg."

Only now do I notice that Nox looks caught in the middle. I'm not sure if she likes or dislikes Caelan.

You either like him or you hate him. Or both... That's where I stand on the matter.

"So," Caelan. "Who's the ruler of the country?"

"Traditionally, it's whoever's in charge of Allegan," I say. "But there have been exceptions. Namely you."

"Has there ever been a joint leadership?" Caelan asks.

I sigh. "You should know that. And yes, there has been. What did you learn in Enderlin?"

"Strategy, combat, weapons. English and math. War history and politics."

I snort. "Basic politics, you mean."

"Says the person who hates public speaking," he mutters.

He knows why I don't like crowds, or even socializing in general. I'll get up in front of a crowd if needed, so it doesn't matter.

Suddenly the main doors fly open. A reporter comes in, an entire crew trailing him. He shoves his microphone in my face. "Matthew Emerson," he says. "The nation is shocked to learn you and Caelan Prince are alive and back in office! Do you have anything to say?"

Time seems to freeze. My heart seems to pound slower than usual but my breathing accelerates. Frozen in fear, I don't say anything.

"We're both glad to be back," Caelan says and the microphone is suddenly in his face, the cameras turned on him. He shoots a dazzling grin. "We've been discussing a joint leadership and hope to bring prosperity back to America!"

"I take it that you're from the Dome," the reporter says to Nox. "What's your name? Can you tell us what it's like?"

"I'm Nox," she says. "It's a prison of a different sort than we're used to, controlled by the illusion of perfection."

Great. Now everyone I know is better at speaking than I am. I turn and walk upstairs, trying to ignore the fact that the cameras are definitely on me.

Thankfully nobody chases after me. I lie down on the floor in an empty hallway and stay silent. My heart rate slowly returns to normal and it feels so peaceful.

"Nox is an interesting name," a reporter says. "Can you tell us a bit about it?"

"My parents thought," Nox begins. I don't listen to the rest. Why does she think she's so great? Why does everyone think they're great?

I know I'm not.

It's hard to get up, since my metal leg isn't as flexible as I'd like it to be. When I go back down, the cameras have all cleared out.

"What the hell?" Caelan says. "You can't just walk out like that. That's not what you do; everyone will be talking about it for days."

I avoid looking at him.

"Matthew, it'll be fine, don't worry," Nox says and I find myself bristling with anger.

"I'm not worried!" I snap. That makes both of them stop talking.

You can't push them away, I urge myself. They're all you have and you can't lose it.

But that's not true. I have Eve, who's previously proclaimed she'd follow me anywhere I ask.

I don't want to lose Caelan as a friend. Or ally. But Nox, I could do without her.

How could I get rid of her? I could get her to fall in love with me then break her heart. Or I could stage a break in and have someone shoot her for me. Maybe I'd be able to get Caelan to turn against her and kill her.

Pity she can't be killed. People would wonder, and that would either lose us publicity... Or gain it.

We could convince her that someone is out to kill her and force her into hiding! When she emerges once I'm the sole ruler like I should be, I could tell the country that she betrayed us and they'd demand her death!

Caelan said I'm the strategist. He's probably right... It's not my fault elaborate schemes pop into my head so often.

Nobody knows how many ways to kill Jace I've thought of. The thing is, nobody will ever know. I can't tell anyone without risking being sent to an asylum.

Keeping that level of hatred in is hard.

I think the best plan, though, is the first one. Never mind. That would earn me one new enemy. I don't want her to die, though, she's done nothing... I make a quick decision.

"Sorry," I say with a laugh. "I've been kind of stressed out lately."

What an understatement.

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