Japhan

Part 4

When we got home late that night I told Dan that I wanted to look at all the stuff we've gotten so far on our trip, and I'm gonna tell him about how I feel about him.
"Okay, get the stuff we bought the last couple days and I'll get what we got today," Dan smiles at me, his smile was perfect. His teeth aren't perfect but they're still amazing, he has dimples and 2 freckles that make a frowny face when he smiles which is so adorable. I love everything about Dan, so I'm going to tell him. I can't keep it in longer.

After we got all the stuff and laid it down on the ground, we sat next to each other and looked through everything.
"We should try some of the candy," I said.
"Oooo yeah!" Dan grabbed the green tea Kit Kats, "these look so good and Memei said they were delicious." He opened it and snatched one. So did I and we both opened it simultaneously. I broke mine apart and took a bite. It was delicious.
"Ooooooooo," we said together, "that is soo good." I said.
"Mmhmmm," Dan said taking another bite. After we finished them Dan said, "what should we try next?" with an excited grin.
"Actually, um, I kinda wanna talk to you about something," I feel very hesitant but I might not get another chance, in Japan, the place we've both wanted to go our entire lives, to tell him this.
Dan looks into my eyes and says, "yeah, what about?"
"Well, so, I've been feeling this way for a while now and, I just want to tell you about it," my heart is beating so fast and so loud I bet he can hear it.
"Yeah?" Dan looks confused.
"So, about a year ago, I've realized something. I like you Dan," his eyes widened and I got more nervous but I continued on, "I want to be with you, and be more than just friends. I don't know if you feel the same way but, it would be great if you did. Because," I paused, our eyes were fixated on each other's. I wanted to kiss him so bad. His beautiful deep chocolate brown eyes that matched his hair. The same hair as mine because we got matching hair cuts.
"Because I love you," he looked confused and not sure how to react so I thought I would for him. I leaned in and closed my eyes, kissing him. It was the best feeling in the world. Kissing him was like kissing your husband on your wedding day. But the only problem was, he wasn't kissing me back. I saw it was a signal to stop. But I didn't want to, I could kiss him until I die. But I unlocked our lips and leaned back. He looked sad and guilty.
"Phil," Dan started. I was terrified about what he was gonna say but I prayed it was something good.
"I don't like you in that way, and I don't think I ever could," he broke eye contact and looked away then down. "Phil, I'm straight."
And that was it. My heart broke, I fell for a guy who could never love me. I ruined my friendship with the best friend I've ever had. I've ruined everything just because I had to have feelings for him. Dan looked back at me and then stood up and walked away into the bedroom. I felt my face getting hot and tears start to brew. The door closed and I felt them fall down my face. One after the other. I sat there pathetically crying over Dan. I brought my hands up to my face and covered my eyes. I couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard I tried. I tried thinking happy thoughts but all I could think of is either living alone or never being even slightly close to Dan ever again. I didn't want either of those 2, but sadly, I'd have to get pretty used to one soon. Even if we'd live separately if seen him every once in a while. Maybe on the train, or in the street, or maybe at a store or something. We'll probably never do another gaming video again, or another pinof, or any ever collab with each other again. But no, Dan wouldn't just leave me, I know this is gonna change our relationship forever but he wouldn't do that. We promised to always stay by the other's side no matter what happened. We just won't be as close, but I'll still see him on a daily basis. I start to stop crying but then I remember the look on dans face and the tears start streaming again. There's one more full day left of Japan and now it will be complete sadness and regret. I grab a blanket and sleep on the couch since I probably won't be able to look at Dan without crying. I cry myself to sleep and have terrible nightmares. This was the worst night of my life and the beginning to a new, awful start.

In the morning I woke up, I dragged myself up and looked in the bedroom, Dan was still sleeping. I walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I was a mess. My cheeks were tear stained, my eyes were red and puffy from crying, my lips were dry and cracked, I looked terrible. I washed my face a couple times and went to take a shower.

After I showered I got dressed and did my hair, I just got my breakfast and I felt like crying again but I was all cried out. When I was just about done eating Dan walked out and said,
"Phil, I'm staying in Japan."

End of part 4
Wowza a lot happened
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