FIRST OFF, I'D LIKE TO SAY IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ MY STORY AND ENJOYED IT.
Sorry for all the yelling. I will now continue in a calm, soothing voice.
I know, I haven't been on much, actually since I published this. Because I was nervous. And I didn't want to log back on. But, now I'm glad I did. Because I know people are listening. People might be wondering and stuff, so I'm going to rant on about my 'story' I guess. I don't care if anyone reads this. But for the people who are out there, this is for you.
When I first wrote this story, I feel as if it was a rant about sexuality. I was unsure myself, if I was or wasn't asexual. I felt like I was asexual, I acted like it too. But I was scared that putting a label on myself would seal my fate, and I would forever be known as the girl who was ace.
And it scared me. I wasn't one for permanence, and this reputation could last forever.
But I decided, so what if I'm ace. I'll scream it from the rooftops if I have to. I'LL SHOUT IT IN EVERYONES FACE TO GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS. And I feel like, now I did.
Writing this short, poem-like story was great, because it let me express all my fears of coming out and not being accepted. About my parents not understanding. About losing my siblings, and my friends.
This was my outlet, for letting my anxiety out on paper. And I never expected to publish it. It was on a whim one afternoon, I just said, so what?
No one will read it, no one will know it was me.
I guess you can say I was ashamed of my sexuality.
And I'm ashamed now, that I was ashamed of it. Because I'm so proud of being asexual.
And in a few years, if start to feel something, that's cool. Because our bodies, and minds change. And it's just a label I feel comfortable with right now.
For all I know, I'm demisexual, and haven't made and emotional bond yet. Bisexual? Hell yes? I'm not sure!
But, with my life experiences, as far as I'm concerned, I'm asexual.
I don't like to say I've come out with, because to be honest, I haven't. None of my friends know, and so far, I've only told my mom, and I told her that I don't feel sexual connections.
As far as I know, she's cool with it.
I guess you can say this was my fuck you to anyone who doesn't believe in asexuals, because we are out here, and we are screaming, getting louder and louder by the hour.
And one day, you can't ignore us.
This is not my suicide note, because I'm not done fighting.
If anyone needs to rant, feel free to, this story is for everyone. Rant in the comments, find someone to talk to. Do whatever you need to do to let out your feelings. It'll feel better, I know I did. You are totally allowed to message me, or comment, I'll try to respond as much as possible.
But as for now, I'm logging out. I don't know when I'll be back. But, I hope you don't lose trust in yourselves.
Tootles, for now.
