Let's Have a Drink: My Internet Therapy

I miss love

I truly, truly, miss love. The feeling it gives the heart, warmth, passion, inspiration. For a while I didn't miss it, like I was my own free person, not a care in the world, but when she left my life, it was as if a part of my inner intricate spiderweb of being had been just cut through by a hacksaw.

Anyone who knows me probably thinks I'm weird, or hard to figure out. The truth is, I'm still figuring that out too. I really don't know what to think of myself, am I becoming a sociopath, an alcoholic, or a dictator? Wait, does that mean if I don't even know myself, nobody knows me? I'm just sort of, how do I put it, me. Just plain ol' me.

In the third grade I discovered a rare and powerful state of mind called love, now that I look back on it, was it really love? I don't know, but the point I'm trying to get at is that I found a girl, I don't know what it was about her that was compelling, her looks, her love of knowledge, or that she was incredibly, undeniably intelligent? She was fascinating, a rare flower on the foot of an icy mountain, a salmon, swimming against the overpowering current.

Then when sixth grade rolled along I switched gears. It all began when she sat next to me in Language Arts class. She wasn't a beauty queen, or a model student, or anything completely out of the ordinary. She was just her, which was what I loved about her.

When the next year came, it was like a batarang had struck me in the throat. We had no classes together. As time grew on and on, tick tock, I lost interest. At first I felt great, I didn't have to change myself for someone else, or be what I wasn't. Love is an addiction though, and you can only go so far without snapping. Once you feel that amazing sensation of their presence, you're hooked.

Now when I see my friends Lily Ackerman and NANNERMAN123 hanging out, or any couple hanging out for that matter, I'm jealous, not because I have a crush on any of them, but I'm jealous that they still feel that. I hope I find that special someone soon, because this sucks, man.